Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Burning desire

Where do I talk about dating these days? It's tempting to put things on FB, where I know I'll get feedback, but it's not private. It's not...here! But also, here is what? I dunno.

So things with the new guy are progressing. I took him up to NJ to visit B1 and family--it went well and while I wasn't ecstatic it was as much fun as those trips usually are. New guy tries so hard not to be in the way that it can sometimes be a problem. He is also extremely deliberate. So his move. It's a huge deal for him and for our relationship. He signed a lease for a new apartment. He has renter's insurance. A move-in date. He's getting storage. Planning on getting the car registration changed and new driver's license (he got the DL today!).

Yes, I know all of this--way too much! I'm not helping him...but when I ask for an update I get all the minutia. I think that's just how his mind works. He is not moving all at once but over a few (two? three? more?) weeks, which is driving me mad. I just want him *out* of where he is now so that we can have a "normal" relationship. His move should be good for him regardless--he'll have a more rational commute and be able to stop driving to work every day (most days he can take metro). I actually think the travel time between our two houses will end up being about the same, which is not exactly ironic, but there you go. I don't think he's figured that out yet, but the reduction in commute should make it easier to see each other. And since he'll no longer be living with a clearly mentally unstable person, I can go to his place sometimes. Weird. I can't remember the last time I spent time at a guy's house. As much as I like to be home, I am kind of excited about being able to spend time in his space and see how he lives. He makes almost no footprint at my place--he leaves no trace, as it were. He has stayed over a few times and it's fine--it's good. It's like he's really my boyfriend (I wish there were a better word--we are just too old for that). 

But yes, I have a boyfriend. He's a great guy. I like spending time with him. I am occasionally frustrated by him. Is it too soon to be frustrated? I wonder if that is going to continue and be a problem...well maybe it will and maybe it won't. One of the best things about him is that he weathers my little storms of frustration like they're nothing--just a little choppy water that we navigate to smoother seas. I'd like to be less choppy and less reactive but also, that's kind of who I am a lot of the time, especially in a relationship. I get so sensitized to everything--even I find it annoying. But, he doesn't. And yes, he is very lucky to be with me because overall, I am pretty great. Ha. Also, astonishingly, I am the second person he has been on a date with who he met online. That says nothing about how long he was online and everything about how picky he is about who he contacts. But still. I have completely lost track of how many internet dates I've been on. Approaching 100 for sure. Damn. Whatever happens, I can take a little break from that nonsense and focus on a different kind of nonsense.

Grateful for: my new guy.


  1. This is so great to hear, the boyfriend and the insights! I think it is good to wonder if it is too soon to be frustrated and good to strive to be less reactive...but also great to be aware that this may be who you are and how you are in relationship. It has helped me a lot to keep in mind that I am not and will never be an easy-going person, and I often remind my husband that my sensitivity/reactivity is part of the package with me.

  2. I know being reactive to minor things is a big issue with my mom, so it's not surprising that it's an issue for me in an intimate relationship. I am frustrated about things that are understandable but other things are so trivial, I don't even really understand it myself. But I know these are things that annoy me in general, not just with boyfriends, so that perhaps is a good insight. It's also hard for me not to get swept up in the excitement of having a bf at all! It's perhaps good that we're really only seeing each other on the weekends. I'm not happy about that, but it's what makes sense with his schedule and packing. He says it will change. I have my doubts. Keepin' it skeptical, per usual. :)


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