Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Terrible

So many false promises to myself! Ok, I've been itching to talk to someone about a few things and FB just won't cut it for confessions about my absolute ineptitude at work. Yes, I exaggerate. Mostly I am not working. When I work, it's fine, I do a reasonably good job. The rest of the time, I just sit staring at my screen unable to stop distracting myself with articles, videos, and FB. I did probably get a solid hour of work done today. That's something. I roll in late. I want to leave early. I often stay late and continue to be unproductive. Also, I would like to read some books. But I would also like to knit and watch tv. Or have the tv on while I play a stupid game on my phone. Giving one single thing my focus is Very Hard. I am biking a lot. Last week, about 50 miles. Week before, 80 miles! 80 was a lot and I was very tired the following week. This week I'm aiming for 50. Then maybe I will work up to 80, then 100! I can do 20 miles in a day without too much damage, which is good. I've been on this kick since the beginning of the  year, when I did a challenge to ride at least a mile a day from Jan 1 through March 19. I did it. My weekly totals steadily inched up the entire time. I've also started tracking my food...total pain...but it helps. I'm not trying for any special food regime, just keeping the amount reasonable. The exercise and diet business is like a job on top of my job. I am cooking a little more. I'm going to the grocery store and buying food to cook--fewer prepared foods and frozen meals, though hardly zero. This is all good and positive, though I am perfectly healthy as of my last physical--at test normal. Except that one thing that I don't want to care about.

Dating. Dating. I can't even with the dating. I had what seemed like a great date a couple of weeks ago and then he disappeared. Hadn't gotten his phone number...no particular reason...and then he unmatched me. Bizarre and upsetting though I am fine. Had another date with a decent person and we went to the movies on Sunday. He is ok but now I think he might be more interested than I am. I was hoping for friends...but we'll see how it plays out.

I guess I've never been quite as keen on work as all this personal nonsense. Or is work the nonsense? I am just longing to take a big chunk of time off...weeks or months or something. I want to stop and relax and ride my bike all the time. And maybe read all those damn books.

Grateful for: a job where I can be a slacker at least for a while.

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