I keep thinking, should I go on a schedule? Write every Sunday? Once a month? But I chafe at the idea. I want to be free! Haha. Oh, for the job with so little to do that I could write for an hour a day while at the office.
A lot has changed in the last month or so since I wrote last. My nightmare project is over and it has completely changed my experience at the office. (The project continues, just without me.) It was hard at first since I had a lot of ego wrapped up in that damn thing, but almost immediately I felt better about everything. Happier, calmer, engaged. Now I get to work on topics I care about and where I have some expertise to offer. I'm not crazy busy--at least not yet. I'm still adjusting but for the first time in years, I don't dread work. I actually wish I had a bit more to do...and I'm struggling to read a 180 page report, but what else is new? I contributed to a couple of proposals, I'm taking over a piece of a larger project, and maybe, eventually, I'll bring in some new work if I can figure out where to look. It's all good.
On the dating front, there has been some. A date here, a date there. The guy I rather liked showed up one more time but has since disappeared, I think for good. I thought he was available for the boyfriend track, but it seems that was not the case. A couple of the old-timers showed up. Last night, another late-night text from someone...but I just ignored it and will stop answering. (This particular one is fine but I'm really not interested.)
And Marty, my friend-not-boyfriend, is around. I don't know what to say about him exactly. Sometimes I like him a lot, other times, not so much. I like having regular contact with someone, even if it's by text. And it's not just someone--it's Marty who I like. I have a new (female) friend who would be happy to text with me all the time, but from her it's just annoying. Oh, she's ok, but needy and a bit depressed. She drains me. Marty is a more mutual friendship. He's encouraging. But I get super annoyed with him sometimes and will give him a whole load of no-nonsense advice, even when he doesn't want it. I have a habit of getting involved with guys who are blind to the contradictions in their lives and I end up spending a lot of time waking them up. This may or may not be good for those guys but it really feels like a waste of my time. Why do I do it rather than just cut them loose? But, Marty is a bit different. He listens to me and has taken some of my analyses to heart. Has he acted on some of them? A little. I still don't know if he's a net positive in my life, but he does make me feel less lonely. Then again, he also makes me feel lonely. No man at all is less lonely than an absent man...
Grateful for: improvements on the work front.