Tuesday, February 02, 2016

Civic minded

What is this, some kind of trend? Well, this is a dating blog and I have been dating a lot, so maybe I'll write about it a little. The guy (Marty) I wrote about last time, the one who wants to be my friend...well, I called it. I guess it's an experience thing, but after seeing him on Saturday I just knew his whole line was BS. Or maybe I hadn't really been listening. He is encouraging me to date other guys because he's not available. And he hasn't asked me to wait for him or any nonsense like that. I've also been pretty clear to him that I don't think I like him beyond friends, though we did have fun together. But that inner voice was saying, "he wants to be your boyfriend." That is basically what he would like and yesterday, in our texting, it came out. Not in those words, but so close that it really clicked for me.

There are these guys, I haven't run into one recently, and they see something in me and they kind of get caught up in it. In my...amazing-ness. Yeah, I know, it's ridiculous, but I can tell when someone is seeing me that way, and he definitely was. In a lot of ways we weren't connecting at all. I listened to his stories and pushed him a bit to explain himself, but we also did a lot of talking past each other. I still feel like I have to tread lightly with him. I don't think I'm at much risk of being crushed, but he is, when he figures out that I'm not all that special and definitely not a solution to his problems. To his credit, when I gave him a warning, he seemed to completely get it.

Anyway, last night, I had a date with someone else (Mike). We just started chatting that day and he asked me to meet him and I said, why not? He proposed to come to my house with a bottle of wine, but I put the kibosh on that and we met for a drink. His whole approach was interesting--he asked me what he should see in DC and I assumed he was from out of town. But not at all! He was just curious and open to explore different parts of the city. I like that a lot. He said he wasn't stabby but sure we could meet elsewhere. I said I wasn't scared, it was just common sense. He got on board. He really wanted to watch the caucuses, and, even though I'd rather ignore electoral politics, I agreed. We had a pretty good time watching and talking about the candidates.  Even though I don't care, I had plenty to say! Once or twice I filled in a word he couldn't come up with and he complimented me (!) and made a little joke of it, saying I must be good at scrabble. No, I'm not. And we also had a joke about voter fraud--kids getting fake IDs so they could vote--because people bring their kids to the caucus--and some of the people registering looked so young. I also had a story about Mom taking me to a caucus in Seattle before they switched to a primary system. Somehow that morphed into a jokey conversation about who a civic-minded 10-year-old would vote for and how she would sneak into the caucus. The whole thing was very pleasant and low key, but clever. He walked me home, we stood awkwardly on the sidewalk, chatting, and he gave me a couple of goodbye hugs. I mumbled about wanting to see him again. I texted him (via the dating site) when I got home that I had fun. He asked for my number, which I sent. But he didn't text..I haven't heard from him. I am leaving it alone but it's kind of hard. He was an interesting guy, nice looking, and easy to talk to. I'd like to get a chance to see where it goes.

When I feel this positive about someone, I usually never hear from him again. (Marty doesn't count--he's in some other category.)  If I don't hear from Mike, it won't break my heart, but it would be so great if I did...

Grateful for: a little hope.


  1. Ummm, not sure it's a bad thing to be caught up in your amazing-ness. I think my husband still is caught up in mine after more than a decade (and vice versa). Not to say he doesn't understand I have faults, but I think he does see me as amazing, special and the answer to what were some of his problems when we met -- I hope you're not discounting someone just for being caught up in your amazing-ness -- I think that's a good start for forever! But still, if Marty's not the one, he's not. Fingers crossed re: Mike, sounds interesting indeed. And glad you're writing again, however long it lasts!

    1. You're probably right--but it's not mutual, so maybe that's the problem? I like him ok. I like a lot about him--but I'm not bowled over--though he has already started to grow on me. He really isn't available , but if that changes, I'll try and keep an open mind. I'm more hopeful about Mike, but he is an unknown at this point.

      I'm glad you're still reading too!

    2. The lack of reciprocity in loss in amazing-ness is a justified deal killer (as is unavailability). I like the open mind if things change!


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