Tuesday, June 02, 2015

Can you see the real me?

I was almost going to put this story on FB, but then I remembered I had this blog.

Last night I had a dream. In the dream my cousin Molly offered me some pot (this would never happen--also she lives on the West Coast). She seemed really surprised that I accepted her offer. I said or thought, what do people think of me? Or what impression do I make on people?

Someone (my cousin?) said, the impression they have is worried/scared/something [exact words escape me] of you. That's how Anne feels.

Then it shifted to Anne, who is an old college friend. Anne said she was apprehensive of me. Why? Because her boyfriend Joe told her I flirted with him.

Back to non-dream life. This is an old mystery in my life. Anne is someone I really liked and respected in college. I always wanted to be closer friends with her but it didn't happen. Then she started dating a guy named Joe who had previously dated Anne's best friend, Tracey (yes, I know). Before Joe dated Tracey he flirted with me a lot and I thought he was interested in dating me. I was ambivalent about Joe and it never happened. Anyway, when he was dating Tracey, he still flirted with me a lot and gave me the occasional unsolicited back rub (shudder). One time I told him that Tracey was my friend and he had stop flirting with me. Joe never spoke to me again.

Several years later, after he'd been with Anne for a while and I'd moved away for grad school...I was back in Seattle for winter break. I was hanging out with my friend Mike and we were planning to spend New Year's Eve together, as was our habit. Mike mentioned that he'd run into Anne and she'd said something odd. First, she invited him to a NYE party. Then she asked if Mike were planning to spend the evening with me...he said yes...and Anne said he couldn't bring me to the party. Mike declined the invitation.

Then I told Mike the whole story--about the flirting and the silent treatment from Joe--and Mike said that Joe was a creep and of course he'd spend NYE with me.

It's not something I think about very often, but I'm one degree removed FB friends with Anne and feel like I can't or shouldn't friend her. What did Joe say to her to make her cut me off?

In the dream, it was clear as day--Joe told Anne that I flirted with him! Of course. But...why would Anne believe him, when she'd known me much longer and I never flirted with other people's boyfriends? Well, blame cognitive dissonance. I'd always expected more of Anne, but she is only human and she wanted to keep her boyfriend Still, it hurts a little to be seen in a suspicious light...even if it was a million years ago.

So why would I have such a symbol rich dream? Before bed I was listening to a podcast from the BBC Drama of the Week--and it was about Freud! In the play he interpreted several highly symbolic dreams. Naturally, I had one that night.

Grateful for: dreams.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Anonymous comments will be rejected. You don't have to use your real name, just A name. No URL is required; enter your name and leave the 'url' line blank. Thank you.