Friday, April 17, 2015

Last night

I don't know if this is good news or not, but I heard from the bad news guy yesterday. It was an apology and a goodbye. That's fine. I already knew I was done with him and I was sort of glad that he bothered to say something. One assumes (foolishly?) that he took so long to get in touch because he was either trying to decide what he wanted to say to me, what he wanted to happen, and whether he was going to bother to respond to me at all. So, while he is still an ass, he at least gave me some resolution.  Moving on.

I received the goodbye text while I was out having a drink with a different guy, Austin. I met Austin online a while ago and we had a fun time texting but nothing ever came of it. I was scrolling through my messages, a symptom of my frustration, and I came across Austin's last message. On a whim, I contacted him--and he responded. We chatted and decided to go for a drink. Before we met, he told me he'd reunited with his girlfriend, so I had my eyes open. I felt fine with that--I need friends to go hang out with and grab drinks. Pele is way too busy. Liz is way too scheduled. Nancy was never free for that. C-money can do the movie thing every few weeks but we never just hang out spontaneously.  I told Austin that he could be my wing man and he was cool with that.

Our meeting went well. We'd gotten along very well virtually and we had an easy rapport in person right from the start. Definitely helped that there was no dating pressure due to it not being a (romantic) date! When we'd talked before he told me he knew a guy who used to work where I used to work. Turns out, I know the guy too! That was pretty funny. We got a drink one place then went somewhere else to eat. Over dinner, Austin brought up the topic of his girlfriend. I'd been thinking about it but I also didn't care. I know where the boundary is and that makes things easy for me. Even if I'm super crushed out on a guy with a girlfriend, I've never had a problem restraining myself. I did find myself acting a little odd--I wanted to just relax and listen to someone else talk, but instead I did a lot of talking, per usual. Austin and I had a lot of surprising things in common--our parents had married, divorced, and remarried. We both spent some formative years in the same mid-sized southern city, and we are the same age (within months). He seemed particularly happy about the age thing and he's probably right that it put us in a comfort zone--having the same frame of reference is helpful. Still, we're also really different--he's from the south and his family is WASP-y with a lot of career military men (his father and both grandfathers). They are hardly the intellectual, Jewish strivers that make up most of my ancestors. That's not good or bad, but it's not the same frame of reference.

Anyway, when he brought up his girlfriend, I could tell something was up. He's not particularly happy with her. He asked me if he was a coward for not breaking up with her (short answer: yes). And I could see he wanted something from me. Not to cheat on her with me but maybe to get some kind of reassurance that she wasn't his last chance? Or maybe I'm the back up plan? It made me uncomfortable. I've been weighing this in my mind...and while I like him, I think he may be bad news for me. I would so like a buddy to hang out with. It would be great if that buddy were a boyfriend, but just a close friend who I could spend more time with, and talk to would be so great. Austin could be that if he didn't have another agenda. Maybe...well...I hope I'm wrong, but when am I ever wrong? I didn't want to write this because I don't want to be right, but I also decided I needed to be honest--with you and myself. So, my plan is to do nothing, to initiate nothing. If he gets in touch, maybe I'll see him again, but I'm not going to make any decisions right now.

Grateful for: honesty.

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