Sunday, August 10, 2014


I decided to host some AirBnB guests during my upcoming trip and in preparation, I decided to clean the house this weekend. I did rather more "deep cleaning" than was strictly required. First, I dusted, which I do very rarely. Ugh. Then I washed the fronts of the kitchen cabinets, something I've never done. Not quite as disgusting as the dusting.  Then I cleaned the mirrors in the bathroom and scrubbed the tub and tile. I vacuumed the floors, rugs, and sofas. Today, I'll sweep and mop the bathroom. I dusted the ceiling fans.  Today, I really got down to business. I scrubbed the baseboards in the kitchen including under the sink, dishwasher, range, and bottom of the cabinets. Then I mopped the kitchen floor. I also had to move my fridge around in an attempt to solve the issue of getting it level.

I keep the fridge out in the back room and the floor of that room has a distinct slope. I've had the fridge on a piece of plywood the whole time it's been out there, but it's still been an issue. This week, I bought a larger piece of plywood to make it easier to position the fridge. I also decided to level it before placing the fridge on it. Doing it that way would actually make it a one-person job and maybe even correct the door's tendency to fall off. Turns out the edge of the board needed to be raised an inch in order to get to level. That is a really steep slope! Anyway, I managed to level the board, move the fridge off the current board on to some scrap boards, position the new board, and then roll the fridge up onto the new level position. While it would've been helpful to have a second pair of hands, I got some satisfaction from doing the whole thing myself.

I also decided to take a look at the back of the fridge, which seemed to be gathering quite a bit of dust. I unscrewed the piece of cardboard fastened to the back and inside I found--the motor and fan! Completely covered in cat-hair enhanced dust. Ugh. I checked the internet to see if or how I should go about cleaning it. The internet was in favor and people were using brushes and a vacuum. I didn't have a brush, but I vacuumed all around and used my hands and a cloth to get at the rest.  A weirdly satisfying job.  The fridge was working just fine but maybe now it will work even better?

It's kind of ridiculous how dirty I let the house get. I really need to get over myself and hire someone to help me clean this place. Once or twice a month would be enough to keep it in decent shape and I wouldn't have to kill myself if want to have people over.

I still have a few bits to take care of, but I'm mostly done. There is laundry, per usual. There are sheets and blankets and pillows to set out for the guests. There is a box full of semi-valuable stuff to hide in a closet. The house will be ready and then it will be time for me to pack. I don't even want to think about that yet. I'll be gone for about ten days. It's been my habit to use a backpack type Tom Bihn bag for travel, even of this length. But I think I'm going to use my old rolling bag for this trip and bring a backpack for my everyday bag. We'll see how it goes. is the dating update! I cannot believe I wrote that whole boring thing about house cleaning (or my house cleaning failures?) when all I really want to do is talk about a boy.

There is nothing of substance to tell, but I won't let that stop me. We kept up a lively texting conversation for most of the week. Most of our conversations so far have been initiated by him, so I feel pretty good about that. I'm not sure why, but I found the texting slightly troubling. Not because of the content--it was good to be in touch with him and he's funny and clever. Something about it made me a little nervous. I realized that when there was a long pause, I would be in anticipation of a response, even when I didn't have time to carry on a real conversation. I started to put some brakes on, letting him know when I was too busy to chat. That helped a little. What I really wanted was to talk to him on the phone, but the one time I suggested it, he was too tired. That was ok though a little awkward.  This weekend, his sister and her family are staying with him, visiting from out of town. On Friday, I started to feel a little anxious because we still don't have plans to get together. I leave town early Thursday morning. Wednesday will be impossible due to the way I pack (always at the last minute!).  If we get together before my trip, it has to be Monday or Tuesday. I wanted to say that to him, but somehow I couldn't bring myself to come right out with it. Instead, I confessed to a bit of anxiousness about the uncertainty of when we'd meet again.  He said, "...anxious I can deal with." I sure hope so, 'cause you ain't seen nothing yet.

I'm not in my full blown anxiety state, but I'm on the edge. Yesterday (Saturday), I texted him a hello in the morning. He said he was out and about with his family. I said, "sounds good!" and I haven't heard from him since. I didn't expect to hear from him Saturday, though I admit I thought he might text in the evening.  When he didn't, I felt ok, but a little on edge. Today, it's mid-afternoon and nothing. I suspect I'll hear from him when his family leaves town and he has a minute to relax. But if I don't hear from him today, how are we to make plans for tomorrow or Tuesday? And that's when I start to go slightly off the rails. Does this mean he changed his mind? Has he decided he doesn't want to see me? Did I say something wrong?

That's the thing, what if the answer to all those questions were "yes"? Let's spin this all the way out. He did change his mind, he doesn't want to see me, and it's all because of something I said. So what? He gets to change his mind. He isn't required to see me. And if I managed to put him off this easily, and inadvertently, then it wasn't going to work out anyway.  I don't need any reasons. I'm not interested in reading his mind or changing it. If I weren't to hear from him again, I would be sad. Probably disproportionately sad, but I would also get over it. Per usual.

Here's the other thing--besides cleaning like a mad person, I also forced myself to go out on Saturday evening. I got a bite to eat and saw a movie. Now, doing this alone on Saturday night isn't for everyone but I'm fine with it. On Thursday, I went to a happy hour and spent the whole time talking to a dude (no numbers were exchanged). On Friday, I went to a different happy hour/goodbye party, and talked to lots of people. So, Saturday, it was fine to be on my own. Yet, going out on my own and wishing I were on a date with one particular person was way sadder and lonelier than just being out on my own.

Today, Sunday, in between the cleaning, I took myself out for a nice brunch at my favorite restaurant. This afternoon, I'm invited to a friend's for a get-together. This week has been happy and social for me overall. And the guy has been generally a plus to my mood. I just wish I could forget about him for the moment and stop worrying about when the next text will come. The lack of plans is designed to drive me mad. Maybe I'll text him after I get home from my party.

Sigh. I was hoping to avoid this altogether, but it's still me. What can you do?

Grateful for: a reason to clean the house.


  1. I hope you didn't text him! Just let things unfold. If you don't see him, you don't see him, and that will be okay, too. And why can't you pack beforehand, so Wednesday is a possibility? You're so set on how things have to happen (in your mind) that you set yourself up for disappointment. Try to be more accommodating and less controlling (even in your own mind. Thoughts become actions).

    I'd also recommend you read Mars and Venus on a Date. I used to act similarly to how you describe yourself, and this was very helpful.

    Please take this as constructive criticism. I've read your blog from almost the beginning, and have watched things unravel before they can even get started. Just relax...

    1. Didn't I say I would be ok if I didn't see him? I was looking forward to it, so his continuing silence is disappointing.

      I did text him and I think that's ok. Must the woman always wait on the man? That seems crazy. And given that his silence represents a complete change in behavior, I think my feelings are understandable.

      Last, I'm not going to change my life around for someone I've met once. If he wants to see me and the only time he could is on Wednesday, I would probably accommodate that. But I much prefer to pack the night before a trip. That's how I've always done it and it works for me. So, I think my needs trump his preferences. However, since he seems to prefer to no longer have contact with me, the point is moot.

  2. I'm sorry it seems like he doesn't want to continue contact. I really am, because you are [were] excited about him. And no, the woman mustn't always wait on the man, but the way men function in the dating/relationship world versus the way women do lends itself to the men taking the lead. It's annoying and frustrating, but true (hence my suggestion of Mars and Venus). It's not all the time or in every circumstance, but in the beginning, more likely than not.

    I hope that things work out, or that there's some lesson to be learned here...


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