First, a little more on my knee. I am a lot better. I made an executive decision last week to take off my brace in all circumstances. It hurt too much to wear, it wouldn't stay in place, and it was crazy heavy. Wearing the brace, when it would stay in place, did provide some comfort and actually reduced pain a little. But the pros didn't outweigh the cons. When I went to PT yesterday, they seemed to think it was just fine. I continue to be a PT superstar. I wondered if I were fooling myself a little, but it turns out, not at all. The proof: on Friday, there was a young woman there with the same brace as mine--and the same injury. We chatted a little and it turned out she had her surgery one day after mine. She was younger and thinner, but she was way, way behind where I am. She was actually scared to walk without her brace, though she was on one crutch, like me. She was doing much easier exercises and generally, moving more slowly and awkwardly than I am. I didn't feel happy for me, but I did feel bad for her. I told my mom about this and she said, "You worked for it, you earned it." I demurred--but I guess she's right. My walking, bike riding, and that little bit of pre-op PT have paid off. Even though I'm feeling more pain than I would like, I'm still making great progress.
The main news is that I've finally, really and truly, decided to leave my job. I met with my future employer and he put the offer back on the table. I have an unsigned copy of my resignation letter sitting on my desk at the office. I also found out that on Monday I'm getting a letter of reprimand for something that happened on May 9. This was a contributing but not deciding factor. My supervisor already gave me a letter about the so-called incident, which is being blown outrageously out of proportion. I agreed to coaching as a resolution--and I had my first session on Wednesday. That they--she--would go head with a reprimand is beyond insulting and pointless, really. In fact, the only reason I know what the meeting is about is that my union rep told me--my supervisor has been acting like everything is just fine, peaches and cream. I would say unbelievable, except that it's all too believable. We are long past the place where coaching, mediation, or anything else would resolve our problems. Since I've been consistently denied a transfer, it's time to transfer myself out of the organization to another job.
I'll give notice next week, stay for a month, take a month off, and start the new job in November. The plan is: fix knee, quit job, (continue to fix knee), take vacation, get happy, get boyfriend. Or something like that. (In re: boyfriends. There is a boy floating around, just present enough to distract me, but not likely to ever be my boyfriend. He gets walking papers as soon as I decide the situation is a net loss.)
I'm starting to look forward, a tiny bit, to the new job. I want it to be completely different. I am ready to be tested. I can do it. Maybe it won't be for me, but that doesn't matter. It's a step forward and that's what I need to do right now.
|Gratuitous cat pic|
It's going to be hard to leave and a pain to pack all my things, but it's all doable. I've done harder things before--much harder. And I've had much deeper disappointments. I have the hope that when I look back this will be one of the better decisions I've made. I can't quite see it yet...but I'm going to give it time. Time usually resolves such things.
Grateful for: resolution.