Tuesday, May 14, 2013


What is up with my bike obsession? I'm going on another test ride today. I'm so eager to get this new bike and...what? Spend all my time on long bike rides? Is that really a thing I'll do? I dunno. I get these notions and sometimes I follow through and sometimes, not so much. What does it mean that I'm getting more interested in biking again? I used to ride my bike a lot in Seattle, and in Chapel Hill, and even here in DC. In fact, I still do, though it's waxed and waned over the years. Heck, I loved riding my bike when I was a kid, but don't most kids? I loved the freedom and the ability to explore that it allowed. It's much better than a car in many ways. A bike lacks the pure power of a car, and there are inherent limitations--your own power the most obvious one--but also terrain, ignorance, and parental boundaries, but you can go places that a car or even your feet can't take you. When I was a kid, my dad wouldn't let me ride my bike to school. He made a rule something like, if I would ride a certain number of hours, then I would be trusted to ride to school. I thought it was arbitrary and ridiculous so I refused. Yet, I rode that bike all the time! A used bike, with a banana seat and those low-rider handlebars. I'm sure I did ride the requisite number of hours, but I didn't track them and I didn't try and make the case. Sure, Dad had a point, but I rode that bike all over the neighborhood--up and down the steepest hills, into all kinds of forbidden areas. Did I ever ride across the busy, dangerous street that was on the way from my house to school? I'm not sure.


Anyway, another interest I've had since childhood is photography, which I've been pursuing a lot more recently--via Instagram and my iPhone. But, again, what's so special about liking to take pictures? Doesn't everyone do that? How is it something special for me?

I like to ride bikes, but I've never gone touring or ridden more than 30 miles at a go. I like to take pictures, and I'm coming into my own a bit in that area, but I'll never be a professional. I like to knit--and that's still going strong. I like to read, though I read much less than I used to. I like radio shows and the era of podcasts is like a dream come true. I love the movies...but I can't even remember when I last went to see a movie in a theater--it's been weeks! Months! Crazy. I do watch plenty of high (and low) quality tv--at least I'm knitting while I do that. And writing, of course. We'll see how long that lasts. I haven't written any fiction for a long, long time.

And do I like working? I just don't know. I like to feel useful, as though I'm doing something worthwhile. I like to be appreciated. Work friend Nancy dug up a job announcement this weekend that she insisted I apply for--it's a leadership type position and I think the chances of my getting it a miniscule. But she's right--I have to put my hat in the ring. I could do that job and it would actually be better and more interesting than what I do now. And I'd get some damn respect, which is what I'm really missing. I feel so aggrieved all the time, which is absurd and exhausting. I should feel happy and secure in my work, but things just keep getting worse. I still don't know when I'm getting out from under. Super heavy sigh. So, I'm working on a cover letter. I'm putting my writing samples together. I've updated my CV. All of that is good to do, even if I don't even get an interview. We'll see.

Grateful for: a bunch of hobbies that I really enjoy.

1 comment:

  1. What about the "open" opportunity? If you don't think the TR switch is going to happen as quickly as it should, maybe you just take that leap?

    My latest hobby is sudoku on my phone -- I try to tell myself I'm fighting Alzheimer's early, but really, not sure what I get out of it other than an enjoyable way to pass the time...


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