So, one day later, how does it feel? Not bad. I talked to the potential future boss. I could tell he wasn't pleased but he also said to call him when I was ready--that they want me and they'll have work for me. Amazing. I still can't quite believe that. I feel bad too--I said I didn't expect anything and he reassured me they wanted to hire me whenever I was ready.
It's a funny feeling to be given this much...what's the word? Maybe to be this appreciated. Maybe I deserve it, maybe I don't, but it feels GOOD. Sure, they appreciate me where I work now but they also take me for granted. It's only when I think of all the balls that would drop if I were to leave that I even start to see my value clearly.
That said, the time waiting for the detail to start--the time spent under my terrible management team (it's not just my immediate supervisor--her boss is a nightmare too) is going to be painful. Seeing a way out and not quite being there isn't easy. But I'm going to be good. I'm going to keep trying to learn how to manage myself in trying circumstances. Sure, I've done a crap job so far and probably won't get it in the next few weeks, but I'm still going to try.
However, I'm sure I will still fail--case in point, the most ridiculous staff meeting ever yesterday. In a few weeks (a month? I'm not sure) our files will be audited. We manage contracts and certain items are required to be present in our paper files--the contract itself, invoices, deliverables (different kinds of reports, mostly), etc. We've been audited before and there's always a little something missing. It's almost impossible to keep perfect files, but we do ok. Filing is a particular strength of mine (I'm very organized--nothing to be proud of, it just is). I'm not that worried about an audit. I'm sure I'll be missing some things but, overall, I should "pass." The other reason not to worry is that we don't know what the consequences are of "failing." We don't even know if this is a pass/fail exercise. I actually think it isn't. I think they'll say--"your files are missing these things and this is how you should correct it." And...that's it. There's no penalty, no fine, no demerit. Our official handbook has a list of all things we're supposed to keep in our files. I keep this list by my desk. The auditors sent out the list they will use to do the audit. Their list looks a little different than our list. It has more detail than our list. My guess is that the items on our list meet the requirements of their list. And I said this in the meeting. And I was corrected, ignored, etc. I didn't blow my stack--it was a meeting with the entire staff after all. I am almost positive that I'll be told later that I interrupted and was disrespectful (not true, but oh well--doesn't matter how I act anymore, this is how my supervisor sees me and this is her typical complaint). But none of our questions were answered. We spent so much time discussing the meaning of things on their list--when it was obvious that many of them had nothing to do with our kind of work, which means that we won't be expected to have those items in the file. Argh!
Our supervisor is worried because she thinks we're going to make her look bad. Why is the assumption that we're sloppy filers and don't know how to manage our records? Why is she suggesting that we use any other list for our files than what is in our official handbook? I'm sorry, the whole thing is absurd. A total wast of an hour.
When she's not my supervisor anymore I will be the happiest camper in the world. (I hope!)
How about a nice picture of my cat?
Grateful for: keeping up the good fight.