How do I start? First, I have a terrible headache, which isn't normal. I don't know if I'm getting sick for real or if I'm "simply" having a stress reaction. Why am I stressed? Well, I think it's a number of things. My mother was acting super depressed about a week ago and we had a couple of troubling conversations. Then, as soon as her birthday hit (Jan 1), everything was fine. Well, ok. Maybe I should say, "fine for now." She is a challenging person (many say "difficult"). I love her, but dealing with her at her worst is taxing. I also had no plans for NYE and, in fact, just stayed in. I actually had a nice time, watching tv and knitting a surprise present for the bartender at my knitting group's venue. (He's such a good guy and really takes care of us--he gave me a big hug when I gave him the gift.) Still, I think it was a minor bummer to not even have an invite to dinner or a party or anything. That said, NY's day was really good--I went for a run in the morning, had brunch with Pele, then we went to the Hirshhorn. We talked, enjoyed the art, and it was a good day for us.
Leave it to me to bury the lede...what's really going on is that I've finally decided it's time to quit my job. Nuts. Did I mention that I had a job offer a few months ago? I had an informal interview and just left it hanging. Something finally clicked and I decided it was time to go. Yes, the work here is still the best I've ever had and the best it will ever be in this position. And I'm bored out of my mind. Also, I'm not valued and I will never get another promotion. They have ended the policy of promoting people like me to the highest pay grade unless we become supervisors. I'm currently at the next to highest grade and it's been made very clear that I will never become a supervisor. Yes, if my current horrible boss leaves, there is a chance, but it's vanishingly small considering the people who would be making the decision. If I could get a promotion without becoming a supervisor, if that were even an option, I'd consider staying. The problem is that I'm treated poorly--I'm their workhorse. But I'm not given any real independence or decision making authority. If I want something, I have to fight tooth and nail. I'm never deferred to--all my ideas have to be worried and defended to death. I'm not saying I'm always right--and I ALWAYS listen to input and make changes when there is a better way to do things--but why isn't my voice more respected around here? Why is no effort given to provide me with what I need to do a better job? Why do I still have to do all the scut work I did when I first started? Now I'm doing all the crap and all the hard stuff and it's killing me.
I know it may not be better elsewhere. It almost certainly won't be better and many things will be worse, but at least it will be somewhere I'm wanted and valued for the highly skilled worker that I am.
In fact, the other job may not even still be available! And I have so much vacation time saved up--how do I quit and take vacation? When am I going to fit in my long overdue family trips to Israel and Seattle? When am I going to Europe? How do I time this? And should I get a new bicycle even though I bought a new one a year ago? Should I just spruce up the current bike? Why am I worrying about a bike???
But, you know, check back, because I'll probably be stuck in the same rut a year from now (but with another new bike). Argh.
Grateful for: opportunities.