Thursday, May 19, 2011


You know, I am ready to stop being so freaky. The thing with my friend? I know I overreacted. I still don't understand the approach he took to the situation, but I am willing to grant that he probably had no intention of throwing me under the bus. In fact, he didn't. It sparked a reaction, though, and I really needed him to say, "no, I would not have taken sides against you." Because, by my read, his actions threw that into doubt. Sigh. It might also reflect an unequalness in this situation--I invited him to join me and some new friends in a regular social activity. He has never, the whole time I've known him, done the same for me. He has, many times, invited me to the movies. It was usually the two of us or a smaller group, but that was it. I know he has other groups of friends, here and there, and I have never been included in those gatherings. It's mostly a non-issue, but has once or twice caused friction. Most notably, an incident many years ago where I thought we had plans (to go to the movies!) and I went to meet him at the theater. He never showed. I called. He was far away with friends from out of town. He didn't think our plans were firm, so there was no need to cancel. He didn't think to include me in his other event. Who knows if I would have accepted, but the gesture would have been appreciated. And, I think, there is no question that if I'd had tentative plans with him, friends came in from out of town, I would have made the offer to him to join us, no matter whether I thought he'd get along with the group or not. I've done this many times, but never, really, never, has he done this for me.

So when he decided to be extra careful and diplomatic about correcting what was clearly an accident, I was not happy.

Oy. Obviously, saying I'm ready to move on has about zero to do with actually moving on. 

Let's end on a lighter note, shall we? Quite some time ago, my friend Nancy sketched what she thought would be my ideal man. He would be British. He would have a Vespa.  I thought this was ridiculous since, even when I had a Vespa, I never dated anyone with a Vespa and I'd certainly never dated anyone from abroad. Now, one of those statements is false.

Last night, I had a phone "date" with a fellow who turned out to have a strong British accent, though American born. And tonight, I have a date with a guy who has a Vespa.  I suggested to Nancy that this was possibly as close as I was going to get to the ideal man of her dreams (for me). 

Also, the "British" guy lives in NJ. So maybe I can date both of them?

Grateful for: future dates.

1 comment:

  1. Can you blame the friend/invite thing on the general lack of men getting it in social situations sometimes?

    And why would an American in Jersey have a British accent? Thumbs down in my mind, but maybe there's a very good explanation?

    I made a list of ideal guy characteristics once in a single-and-not-loving-it time. Interesting to look back on it now.

    And I hear what you're saying on the second marriages, but if you weren't selective, you could have married any old guy and gotten divorced, I think you're in a much better boat. But I can also understand you don't always see it that way.



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