Really?

Overall, I had a great weekend. Went dancing on Friday and even though I was late and didn't dance much and one foot hurt, it was a ton of fun and I'm ready to go again, soon. It's wonderful to have a new dance-friend and what's even nicer is that she will probably be more than a dance-only friend. I think we spent about half our evening together just talking.  We have similar growing up/college experiences and it's a good basis for a friendship even though we're very different as people.

On Saturday I had brunch with Pele and baby. We don't have enough time together but it was better than nothing.

On Sunday, I went to the Maryland Sheep and Wool festival with a couple of friends, one from work. We talked a lot about work stuff but still had a great time. I bought enough yarn for a sweater--but it was on purpose. I'm excited and I've already started knitting a swatch to test out the yarn before starting the sweater. I'm really getting into knitting sweaters. I remember when it seemed almost impossibly intimidating.

Then, on Sunday night, I went on a date. I feel like it's been a year since I've been on a date. It's not true but it's close enough for discomfort. And, it being me, it was the most ridiculous date ever.

I still have an active internet dating profile. Every week or so, I'll log into the site and browse around for a few minutes. It's not a good strategy for getting dates but I don't have enough patience to work at it--a good reason to not use a pay site. Every once in a while, I'll send a message but rarely do I get a response. I'll get emails from time to time as well and I'd say I answer about half of them. I remember my old concientious days with great amusement.

Yesterday afternoon, I got an email. I was online and we started an email chat. Almost right away he asked me to dinner. After not too much back and forth, I agreed. Meeting this fellow wasn't going to lead to anything serious since he's only in town for a few days for work. I didn't think about it too much--I liked his picture and I was in a good mood and the weather was nice so I had enough energy to leave the house on a Sunday night instead of holing up with knitting and tv. Good for me, right?

While I felt pretty awkward initially and the situation was definitely odd, I got along just fine with the fellow and we had a very pleasant time. In fact, we had quite a late night that ended at my place.

Except nothing happened, nothing at all. No moves were ever made. We sat on my sofa, watched the cat, drank water, listened to music and talked (about: music, cars, motorcycles...random not terribly personal things...I like it!). I was waiting for him to scoot a little closer and put his hand on my leg or my shoulder. I don't know what was going on. Did he not find me attractive? Possible, but why hang around all night then? Why keep extending the evening? So, let's agree it wasn't that. No, it was something else and I know not what. Maybe, in those circumstances, a good guy waits for the woman to make the move. I wasn't able to do it either. So, around 2am, he called a cab and went back to his hotel (alone, of course!). He did hug me and kiss me on the cheek (I reciprocated) before leaving.

I don't know what to make of myself. I have zero scruples about making out with someone in the circumstances I've described. I'm done worrying about virtue or thinking it is a value that I care to uphold as meaningful. Sure, if I get physical with someone, I'm still likely to torture myself about it later and make it into more than it is, but I don't do that ahead of time--not anymore. It would have been fine and dandy if I'd made out with this dude. It would have been fine if more had happened, though that wasn't terribly likely (and if that were the case, I would have probably skipping telling any of the story on the blog). In this casual encounter circumstances, perhaps at least one of the pair needs not to be a puritan at heart--and while my beliefs have changed, I cannot completely rid myself of the protestant ethic that pervades American culture.

So, there I was, at 2am, alone and wide awake. Another missed opportunity. Sure, he did text me and suggest I cab it over to his hotel but we both knew that would never happen.

Maybe next time I'll practice my move*

Grateful for: positive attention.

*I should note that when I was in college, I made a concious effort to kiss someone first. I succeeded! However, it has happend very rarely since then.