My whole current "will he or won't he" situation? It seems to be coming down on the "won't" side. He canceled our tentative plans via text. I've texted and called him, and he didn't respond. Maybe, possibly, he will call again, but my positive feelings about him are slipping away. The canceling is a let-down, but it was always possible, so that's fine. And if he didn't have time to talk, then a text cancelation is acceptable. But no follow-up call at all? No reply to my text? Complete silence for a full day? Well, it's a bit much. I barely know him and he owes me nothing, but it still sucks. It feels like he's avoiding me and the situation that I represent. I guess I could wish he were a different person, one who was relaxed enough to enjoy spending a little time with someone he likes, despite the circumstances but he's not that person. If he were, would I like him as well? I'm going to say, yes, and, in fact, that I'd even like him better. But who the hell knows? (Ok, maybe not—I'd want him to be bothered a bit by the circumstances, but not enough to completely avoid me!) So…moving right along….
Yesterday, I played a double header with my alumni flag football team. I was pretty worried about how it would go but we avoided complete disaster. We had more than the minimum number of players, which was good, but the first team we played had complete offensive and defensive squads—we didn't even have plays. I knew we'd lose both games (we did), but we managed to score a couple of times and we learned the rules of the league a bit through experience. I did hardly anything, thus I'm only mildly sore. I'm also not as badly burned on my face as I'd feared. I don't think we have any more double headers, thank goodness, since I can easily manage to play one full game, so I won't fear games with no subs. We had enough women to sub, so I had big breaks for both games. Then again, having me play a full game doesn't really help the team much unless someone can coach me a little. Oh well. I'm going to miss more game than I can play, which is unfortunate. The group is quite friendly, which is great. It helps that we're all new and there are no cliques yet. I don't see any best friends coming out of this, but a good group for a beer? Possibly.
I also knew that I was going to be the oldest person on the team. One guy did seem to be near my age, but who knows? I'm not too concerned about the age gap, but it was my privilege to overhear this conversation.
Context: one young woman was very sore from last week's double header. As soon as she got back into playing this week, she was hobbling around like an old woman. She said, "It just reminds me that I'm not 22 anymore. I hit 27 and it was OVER."
Second young woman, "Oh! I don't want to hear that! I'm 25!"
First young woman, "It happens. You hit 27 and everything is different."
Not-quite-as-young guy chimes in, "Wait until you're in your thirties!"
Second young woman, "I've heard you can really feel it when you hit thirty. Is that true?"
Oy! I sat silent while they were talking. No matter how tempting it was to say, "Wait until you hit 40!" I didn't say it. First, I never felt like that, like there was a wall I hit at a certain age. The main things I notice now are very occasional hangovers and longer recovery times after late nights. Thing is, I never was a big drinker and I always suffered if I didn't get a full night's sleep. When I don't get enough sleep, I power through like always. And, while I thought I was in pretty bad condition, I wasn't hobbled after our game. Either I wasn't playing hard (possible) or I'm actually in better shape than I thought. Either way, I don't see any point in bemoaning the aging process. Like Grandma used to say, consider the alternative.
Grateful for: a youthful attitude.