Friday, January 29, 2010

Talk, talk

This week I had two unsuccessful dates. Oddly or interestingly, my behavior was radically different on each date.

Date #1
For some reason, in advance of the date, I called my grad-school ex, Tom. He was happy to hear from me. I think it has been about a year since we last talked. It was a good conversation (as always) and it was actually hard to get off the phone with him. Some highlights from the convo: I said, "You are the best complimenter I know." Tom said, "Thank you! As someone who tries to give good compliments, I am very glad to hear that." Later on, we were talking about how our looks may have changed since we last saw each other--more grey hair and more pounds. Tom says, "I bet you look better. One of the last times I saw you, your face was gaunt. You were too thin." I I was in no conceivable reality thin--I'd say I was looking good then and I look good now--I just happen to weigh more now. He IS the master compliment-er.

After my talk with Tom, I had to rush to meet my date. And then, on the date, I couldn't stop talking. The guy would ask me questions and I would just ramble on and on. I'd pause and then he'd ask another question  and then I'd talk a bunch more. Unfortunately, calling Tom did not get the talking out of my system. Not at all.  I should have asked Date#1 questions, but I didn't. I didn't find him very attractive and that didn't help. I also kinda of loved this--we left the bar and we walked towards the metro. We passed by a movie theater and he said, "I might catch a movie now." I said, "Oh, ok." I told him I was going to wait for the bus, not take the metro and he said, "Ok! Have a good night!" and rushed off the to movies.  He knew it was past my bedtime, but I think he should have either invited me or not mentioned the movie thing. Not a huge deal, but it left a sour taste in my mouth. Oh well.

Date #2 was with a fellow I've been having a very entertaining banter with over the course of a week or so. As soon as I saw him, though, I knew it wasn't on. I'm not sure how I knew. He was nice looking, but I just knew. With him, I hardly talked at all. Part of the reason was that as soon as I would start saying something longer than a sentence, he'd cut me off. Some other reasons: he was rude to the waitress; he complained about his mentally ill neighbor, whose lack of home maintenance made it hard to sell his house; and he was obviously an alcoholic. Evidence: Date#2 started drinking before I showed up, had at least two (or three?) more drinks (over about 1.5 hours) and then offered to give me a ride home. I said no, because he'd been drinking, and because I didn't want a ride from him. He assured me it was safe because he woudn't be "pirate driving." I had no idea what that meant. It means: when you have to cover one eye because you're seeing double. He seem astonished that I'd never done it. It was that hard to believe that I've never driven when I was too drunk to see straight?

And, there's more! He also said, "Do you want to have kids?" I said, "Yes." He then pointed out that I'm 40 and time is running out. I pointed out that there is no 40-year-old woman alive who wants to have kids who isn't aware of the problematic timing and why in the world did he think it was appropriate to explain it to me? He said it was a reasonable thing to ask. (I call mansplaining!).  

Oh, and he also asked, "Why haven't you been married?" Dude. (I'm sure some blog readers have an opinion on that!) The problem with that question isn't that he was curious, it's that it's impossible to answer. I mean, if I knew the answer, I'd already be married (and possibly divorced) by now. I wasn't interested in have the conversation with him, and I think it's only marginally appropriate for first date, but I'd say the reasons include a focus on my education/career, an unwillingness to settle and poor relationship choices. I'd also say that if you just bothered to LISTEN to your date, you might actually have figured all of that out on your own.

Needless to say, I won't go on a second date with either of these guys. But Date#1 is sure looking good in retrospect!

Grateful for: patience.


  1. This is awesome! Love your blog! I have a blog on dating called A Long Shot at Love, where I've decided to go on 100 dates in year. So far I'm gone over 50 dates since Sept. 2009-it's been a trip, to say the least! Please check it out if you'd like! Keep writing because this is great! :)

  2. Wow. And I thought my dates were bad!


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