Monday, January 11, 2010

Social fail

I had a few plans this weekend that would have involved interacting with other people, but in the end, I bagged all of them. Rather, I contented myself with being around other people. It was the best I could do.

Friday evening, I took myself to the movies, something I haven't done on a weeknight for awhile. The movie was The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. I like visual aspects of Terry Gilliam films and this one was good in that way. I was also curious about the whole Heath Ledger deal and how the other actors would fit in the plot. The first two subs, Johnny Depp and Jude Law, I found oddly difficult to distinguish from Ledger (probably due to lighting, hair and make up). The final version, Colin Farrell, was all too different--but I suppose he was the "true colors" version and in a way, it made sense. Anyway, it was entertaining and I wasn't bored. Not really sure it will stand the test of time, though.

On Saturday, I'd planned to go to another film, Crazy Heart, with a "meetup" group. I've done these film group meetups before, but not for a very long time. I tried to remember why I didn't enjoy it the time I can remember. I believe it was because one of the group members, a nice enough nerdy guy, seemed to take a rather strong interest in me and it made me uncomfortable. And I never went back. Does it sounds vain if I say that more than one meetup group has gone awry for me on this account? Not the blogger meetup or the knitting ones, but some of the others, it just hasn't been pleasant. Of course, part of my motivation to join such groups is to meet people--and if one of these people were a guy and we hit it off, that would be great. Unfortunately, I think I'm more likely to have to fend off guys who like me more than I like them. I think if it were just me liking the guy too much I could deal.

Oh, and before I forget--the resolution about liking my boyfriends as friends was universally (by all three commenters!) misunderstood, which means that I didn't write it up very well. I emphatically DO NOT resolve to be friends with my exes. I mean, if it happens, that's great and I'm not against it, but it's not a goal. What then is the resolution/goal? Perhaps it's a little obscure--but the idea is that in the boyfriend screening process, I should ask myself if this is someone I would want to remain friends with after a breakup. It's a devilishly hard question to answer because if I'm all crushed out on someone, the last thing I care about is "being friends." However, I want to stop and ask myself that question. And if the answer is "no"--that I can't even imagine staying friends with him--then I need to seriously consider getting involved at all. We all know (or "know") that lasting relationships are built on friendship--that after initial passion dies down, some pretty good friendship better be surviving in the embers. In fact, there better be embers that can occasionally be reignited--or what kind of romantic relationship is it?

Anyway, I was determined to have some actual in-person interactions this weekend, so I signed up for the movie meetup and then I didn't go. Oh, I did go to the movies, at the same theater, just not the film the group was scheduled to see. I cannot explain my (in)action. I just couldn't deal. I also remembered that I don't actually enjoy talking about a movie right after seeing it. I need time to digest. But, still, ridiculous! I've signed up for a future date and I'm promising myself not to ditch it again next time. (The movie I saw instead was Broken Embraces. Alomdovar wrote and directed--and he is one of my favorite contemporary filmakers, but this one just didn't "pop." Oh well.)

On Sunday, I signed up for another meetup, this one for museum going. I didn't go. Sigh. I did get a lot of work done around the house. I also walked to a local coffee shop where I read for a while. Not sure ordering my hot chocolate counts as social interaction, but it will have to do.

I did hear from a friend (via text) on Friday who wanted to hang out. But the offer was equivocal, so we didn't end up seeing each other. I am picky and tired of worrying about it.

This week, I've resolved to husband my resources until the weekend. I am staying in until Friday, when the socializing begins. Friday evening, I see Diego. Saturday afternoon, I'm volunteering to help out at a "bike rodeo." Saturday night, I'm going to a party. Sunday, I have book group, but I probably won't go since I haven't been able to get the book. Sunday, later, I have a movie thing I want to go to. I'd probably go on my own, but there is also a meetup associated with it. Maybe this time, I'll actually talk to them.

Monday is a holiday. At work, they're telling us to make it a day of service, but I say, forget that! It will be a day in service to my need to stay home and relax after a frantic weekend of FOUR social activities! At least one of those is a volunteer thing, so I'm covered.

Grateful for: some appealing social opportunities.


  1. How are your habits going? I knew what you meant about the friendship. If you like/love someone enough to date, sleep with, marry them, it should be someone you like. And it strikes me as surprising that so few people remain friends after they break up or divorce -- like if you thought the person was good enough to marry, he's not someone you'd have dinner with in a group of friends? I know there are all kinds of messy emotions, but I like your goal. Sometimes obviously you find out that it's not someone you'd want to be friends with -- he's unreliable, he lies, whatever, but it's at least a criterion. I hear what you're sayin i think.

  2. Anon: I've done a fair amount of walking each day, which counts as exercise. So, I guess I'm doing ok. I'll start another habit in March (or maybe February).

    You are right about the friendship thing--people may not be friends with their exes, but if you like someone enough to marry them, it's kind of sad if you can't be at least friendly. I think sometimes it's too painful for people and that's why it doesn't happen (true for my parents--it's just too hard for my dad).


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