Thursday, January 07, 2010


Around the internet, I've read a bit about how to form a new habit. Such writings go along with articles about why it's impossible to keep New Year's resolutions. I've never made New Year's resolutions but I'm intrigued by the idea of forming new habits. The Zen take on this is that it should be a daily habit because that's how they're formed--by doing them everyday. Something you want to do once a week is harder to reinforce. So, I tried to come up with a few things that I'd like to be daily habits t. I'm also supposed to state them publicly for accountability purposes. Fine! Here is a list:
  • Exercise
  • Write
  • Read fiction
  • Read nonfiction
  • Clean the house
  • Eat breakfast at home
Handily, there are six, which is the recommended number. I'm supposed to take two months for each habit and only do each for 10 minutes a day (perhaps increasing the time as I go along). I haven't seriously thought about doing this yet but I guess I can start whenever. I wonder if I can count today and yesterday under "exercise"? Yesterday, I took an afternoon walk with Nancy and today I walked to the coffee shop that's a little over a mile from home, and caught the metro from there. I say it counts. So, I really have to do some exercise tomorrow too! Y'all can keep me honest. Or something.

Something else came to mind today too, though it's not in the category of a daily habit. It's my boyfriend habit--of not remaining friends with exes. Today, I received an email from Kent. It was a response to a rather sentimental blurb I sent him a couple of weeks ago. I had almost given up on hearing from him and I'd considered writing again to see if he'd even gotten it. But, I quashed that urge and thought, "time to give up." Time to make this relationship a happy memory not an ongoing regret. Even so, I was very pleased to get his email, though it made me a little sad. I'm glad I gave him a chance to respond in his own time--and that I know he didn't need prodding to do so. And that we are, actually, friends. It's over a year since we last saw each other. It's about seven (or eight) months since we broke up and we're still in contact. That's something of a record for me.

I also had a friendly phone conversation over the holidays with Curt, the more recent ex. We'll never get back together--and the jury's still out on whether we'll actually become friends that spend time together "in real life", but it's possible. All the phone conversations we've had since breaking up have been good. It's all the good things about our relationship, minus the angst. So, we have friend potential. I'm not counting on it or pursuing it, but it's interesting that it's there. It's not too surprising since Curt and I were friends (though not close) before we dated. If we'd been really, really mean to each other while we were together, that would make it hard to be friends now--but since I was super nice and I'm also super forgiving, it's still possible.

If I were to make a dating resolution, other than finding someone to make me happy and be an excellent boyfriend, it would be that I like any future boyfriends enough to be friends after we break up. Baby steps!

Grateful for: new habits.


  1. Yay! You are still blogging!

    Oh I RARELY do friends after break-up. I just deleted one as a friend on facebook. We book up 4 years ago...still stings sometimes.

  2. That last resolution is a tough one. It's hard to disentangle your emotions enough to be content with friendship. I've done it a few times, but it's usually too hard.

  3. i think it depends on the break-up and how much pain is involved. some people find it easier to move on by leaving people behind.

    as for the six changes, i really like that idea. i have a few small habits that i've been unsuccessfully trying to take up for a while now. i may try the method!

  4. Hi all--what I actually meant was that I like them as a friend before we start dating, not that we remain friends after breaking up. That he be they kind of guy I'd want to stay friends with, even if it didn't happen. But, if I were to imagine that he would be real ass after breaking up, then maybe I'd skip dating that guy too!

  5. Not sure why you want one of your habits to be staying friends with your exes? I mean if you do, great but honestly, I find it to be more trouble than it's worth. Way too much sexual tension...


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