“You know him.”
“Yes. I…I don’t know. It feels different to me too.”But you didn’t hear me say that.
Later she said, “Now that you’re dating…”
I said, “I’m not dating! We haven’t even had one date yet!”
I don’t want to anticipate. I am trying not to anticipate. I am terribly nervous. I’m excited to see him again. (Nancy has insisted that I give him a code name--both for office talk and the blog. I'm not ready.) I’ve completely lost my appetite--when was the last time that happened? But, you know what I’m not? I’m not anxious. Does that make sense? Nerves. I have some nerves because I have a good feeling and I’m excited. I’m not anxious because I’m not worried. Here are some of the worries I DON’T have:
- Is this a terrible idea? (Comes into play when dating men more than 10 years one’s junior, separated but not divorced men or possible alcoholics.)
- Does he actually like me or did I pressure him into this? (Relevant when you call or track them down after they don’t follow up on an initial meeting despite your big fat green light.)
- Is he actually an asshole? (Not relevant because I already know him and I know some of his friends. I’ve been to a party at his house and he’s been a guest at mine--he's a gracious host and a good guest. Not an asshole.)
- Am I missing something? (Well, it’s always a possibility, I’m just not worried about it.)
- Does he actually find me attractive? (Oddly, this one lingers, but logic informs me it’s absurd—so be gone!)
What I know is that we’ll have a good time because we enjoy talking to each other. That’s the end of what I know with certainty…the rest is speculation. Fun, distracting speculation.
Now, let me tell you how my day began. I checked into facebook and found that Kent’s new gf had made a comment on his status right below the comment I made on his status. Right. So this fellow has two comments on his status, mine, then hers. Hers seems to be a comment (not unfriendly at all) directed at me. Huh? I mean, even if he didn’t tell her about me, she knows about me—for the same reason that I know about her: facebook pictures.
It just so happens that Kent is on facebook, so I buzz him and tell him that the new gf’s comment is weirding me out. He says it’s directed at him, not me. I say, “should she and I get in touch and have a chat about you?” He says, “if you want to.” Heh. I don’t want to. He and I chat a bit longer, in a friendly vein, per usual. I’m in wonderment at my complete lack of anger or upset at this situation. It’s like a switch has flipped. What a relief. I was thinking I was going to have to un-friend him to spare myself potential hurts, but it looks like I won't. Hmm. Interesting.
Now, back to not working at work…
Grateful for: reason and good nerves.