Wednesday, May 13, 2009

What she said

Nancy said, “I have a good feeling about this one. He seems different.”


“You know him.”

“Yes. I…I don’t know. It feels different to me too.”But you didn’t hear me say that.

Later she said, “Now that you’re dating…”

I said, “I’m not dating! We haven’t even had one date yet!”


I don’t want to anticipate. I am trying not to anticipate. I am terribly nervous. I’m excited to see him again. (Nancy has insisted that I give him a code name--both for office talk and the blog. I'm not ready.) I’ve completely lost my appetite--when was the last time that happened? But, you know what I’m not? I’m not anxious. Does that make sense? Nerves. I have some nerves because I have a good feeling and I’m excited. I’m not anxious because I’m not worried. Here are some of the worries I DON’T have:
  • Is this a terrible idea? (Comes into play when dating men more than 10 years one’s junior, separated but not divorced men  or possible alcoholics.)
  • Does he actually like me or did I pressure him into this? (Relevant when you call or track them down after they don’t follow up on an initial meeting despite your big fat green light.)
  • Is he actually an asshole? (Not relevant because I already know him and I know some of his friends. I’ve been to a party at his house and he’s been a guest at mine--he's a gracious host and a good guest. Not an asshole.)
  • Am I missing something? (Well, it’s always a possibility, I’m just not worried about it.)
  • Does he actually find me attractive? (Oddly, this one lingers, but logic informs me it’s absurd—so be gone!)

What I know is that we’ll have a good time because we enjoy talking to each other. That’s the end of what I know with certainty…the rest is speculation. Fun, distracting speculation.

Now, let me tell you how my day began. I checked into facebook and found that Kent’s new gf had made a comment on his status right below the comment I made on his status. Right. So this fellow has two comments on his status, mine, then hers. Hers seems to be a comment (not unfriendly at all) directed at me. Huh? I mean, even if he didn’t tell her about me, she knows about me—for the same reason that I know about her: facebook pictures.

It just so happens that Kent is on facebook, so I buzz him and tell him that the new gf’s comment is weirding me out. He says it’s directed at him, not me. I say, “should she and I get in touch and have a chat about you?” He says, “if you want to.” Heh. I don’t want to. He and I chat a bit longer, in a friendly vein, per usual. I’m in wonderment at my complete lack of anger or upset at this situation. It’s like a switch has flipped. What a relief. I was thinking I was going to have to un-friend him to spare myself potential hurts, but it looks like I won't. Hmm. Interesting.

Now, back to not working at work…

Grateful for: reason and good nerves.

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