What do you make of this? I was chatting with co-worker Danielle. (She’s the less objectionable of my two longest-term female co-workers. A third, even less objectionable, woman has recently joined the professional staff.)
I’ve always kept Danielle at arm’s length personally, though I find her pleasant. Over the years, my professional respect for her has grown. She stays active in her professional association and because her expertise is a bit outside the norm for our office, she brings a valuable perspective to the place. Also, she is very good at handling disgruntled people. She remains calm and firm—never losing her temper or raising her voice, even when she’s pissed. I definitely admire her poise and try and live up to her example since I’m much more apt to lose my temper under similar circumstances.
Anyway, I went by her cube to ask if there is can/bottle recycling in this building. (There isn’t!) We ended up having a long mostly work-related conversation during which she asked, “Have they given you the XYZ project [big, huge, ground-breaking, fascinating study] yet?” (This is the interesting study that TR refused to give up after his promotion and I thought should be mine.)
I said, “No.”
Danielle shook her head, “They need to give that to you. It should be yours. That’s not right.”
She continued, “I told them, after you were gone, ‘why do you think [Jamy] left?’ I gave them a piece of my mind!”
Ladies and gentlemen, I was stunned. I said, “You’re right!” I told her I had a big fight with TR about that and other work that he didn’t want to give me before I left. Even now that TR has taken another promotion and isn’t in our division he STILL has that big project! He is still hanging on to all the interesting work. Danielle doesn’t think it’s right and she told TR and Larry.
Well, maybe being back isn’t as bad as I thought. Maybe I don’t want to be the new division director—maybe I just want to get a crack at some of the good projects. I have to tell someone—but who? Our current boss is acting. I tried to talk to Larry the other day but I couldn’t get the words out. And TR, I don’t think this involves him yet but I have to make the case that he needs to give over that interesting stuff because he has plenty of other interesting things to do. We’ll see. There’s hope.
It’s good that something positive happened today because it began with the news that it isn’t a good time for a visit to London. When I don’t think about it, I’m fine. When I type the words…I’m very sad. I haven’t mentioned this because it’s private and not something that Kent would want publicly discussed but he’s joining the military (and he was formerly in the military). We thought there would be time to fit in a quick visit before he starts basic training but there isn’t.
We had a long chat on IM this morning so I don’t feel ignored or unwanted, just sad and disappointed. When I said I was disappointed, he wrote, “because of the separation?” I said, “No, I was just really looking forward to seeing you.” The separation, at least so far, has been much easier than I expected. I’m happy about Kent—it’s not even bittersweet most of the time, just sweet. But this is hard. It’s hard because now I have to face that it will be at least six months before I see him. Ouch. That’s when he’ll have time off—to his credit he suggested that visit me when he gets his first leave. I don’t take that as a promise because it’s a damn long time and who knows what will happen. When the time comes and we both still want to see each other, then he’ll make an effort to come see me. It’s good enough and I’m glad that he said it—that he’s at least there. But, oh, can I tell you? It hurts. It’s a long time.
At least the weekend is full. My Kiwi guests are still here and we’re going out tonight. I have a birthday celebration for a friend on Saturday. Football on Sunday. Monday and Tuesday off, though I’m not sure what I’m doing about the inauguration yet. No time to mope, which is good. And lots of knitting to keep me busy when I do have down time.
I knew this wasn’t going to be easy. I knew it was right to keep things loose and let things happen and see how I, how we, felt. I know by tomorrow or the next day, I’ll feel better. But right now? It doesn’t feel good. No regrets about Kent, though, not one. Soon, I’m sure, that thought will help me feel better.
Grateful for: supportive co-workers and friends.