In the space of 24 hours:
- One guy (indirectly) called me beautiful and demonstrated signs of jealousy
- One guy called me cute
- One guy sent a long email
And…it was actually three different guys! (I didn't know I had enough men in my life to generate this much feedback.) Thus, I'm feeling rather well-liked. Even though none of these exchanges happened in person, I can tell you, it is a nice self-esteem boost. Who couldn't use one of those every now and then?
The last couple of days, the words have just been pouring out of me. Unfortunately, it's all this soul-searching stuff that isn't appropriate for a blog that is read by most of my friends and my bf, no matter how long distance he is. Mostly, it's about decisions. Do I make a short-term decision? Do I decide to decide later? Do I decide not to decide? Do I go on with my life and try and be open to whatever comes along? The last is what I think I should do but don't feel like doing in the least. I feel like hunkering down with the cat and the knitting and staying inside until it warms up outside.
On a very basic level, I feel the desire for some rigorous physical activity—rowing or running or biking—but it's too cold and I know I need to start slow so I don't burn out or injure myself. I'm not good at starting slow, I'm too much all or nothing. I also need to keep trying to rehab my shoulder. Plus, sitting with the tv and the knitting is very occupying and satisfying. I would like to see my old friends who are less available than I would like them to be. I have many friends who would make me very happy if they would just move (back) to DC. Not to mention long distance bfs.
But doing the things that it would take to meet new people who might have the chance of becoming new friends…the very thought is exhausting. It was all I did in Paris and it was practically a full-time job. So, perhaps I can have a little reprieve on the socializing and new activities? I've been back a month, I'm sort of in the swing of things. Maybe I should just focus on the basic physical stuff (like my shoulder exercises) and let the friends stuff lie fallow for now. I do have friends. I have close acquaintances with friend potential. When I'm ready, they'll still be there, if I'm lucky.
Grateful for: time enough.