Pretend

Lucky readers, you have in store for you today a post ever-so-slightly related to dating. Are you excited?

I went to the baseball game on Wednesday with (work-friend) Nancy. As we watched and tried to stay warm, she mentioned another friend who had made an off hand remark to her about a "guy I sleep with sometimes."

I said, "A guy she sleeps with sometimes?"

Nancy said, "I know."

I said, "Hmm. I think I'd like to have a guy I slept with sometimes."

She said, "Oh, c'mon. You so could. But you don't want that! You couldn't even do that."

I said nothing but merely grumbled.

Nancy continued, "You'd be all, 'when's he gonna call me?' and 'does he like me?' You'd get obsessed. You can't do that."

I stayed silent but I thought, "I don't always get obsessed." But I've been defending myself against obsession charges for so long, that I didn't think it was worth arguing the point.

Nancy finished up with, "You can't not care. You CARE. You can't even PRETEND not to care!"

I laughed hard at that. I said, "It's so true. I can't even pretend not to care."

"That's a good thing." Nancy said.

"Yes. I think so."

Something happened yesterday that really hammered it home. I was at work, it was a little after 5pm. I was planning to leave around 5:45, when I would drive to the shelter where I read to the kids once a month (with Kristin and Barbara).

Then, I get an IM. From Sailor. It simply says, "Jazz at the courtyard of the American Art Museum, 5-8." A second message follows with a link.

I'm astonished. This is the first time Sailor has ever asked me, solo, to do anything. How long has it been folks? A year or more? Geez louise. And I have to say no!

I respond: Sounds fun but....I have to go read to homeless children.

At this point, I call Pele, because I have to tell someone. We're on the phone when Sailor finally responds.

Sailor: Oh, that's the best excuse you can come up with? Maybe next time.

Then he signs off!

I say to Pele, "See, I can't even pretend not to care!"

She laughs.

Today, when I get to work, I send a link to Sailor with the name of the outfit through which I do the volunteer reading.

He responds: anyone can make a website.

This afternoon, around 4pm, I send him another IM saying: happy hour tonight?

Sailor: sounds good, but I can't make it.

Jamy: helping needy children?

Sailor: nothing so altruistic.

Jamy: well, ok, so when can you make it?

[long pause]

Sailor: monday or wednesday?

Jamy: wednesday. tabitha goes to the vet on monday.

[long pause]

Jamy: ok, have fun tonight. talk to you next week.

Sailor: you too.

The End.

The whole not caring thing is really overrated, isn't it?

But, you know what I've decided not to care about? What Sailor thinks of me. What have I got to lose?

And, anyway, I'm going to Paris. Heh.

Grateful for: caring.