Monday, January 01, 2007

Berkeley solo

I'm back in Berkeley. Oddly, I'm on my own. Dad and Susan are spending tonight in Inverness, something that they failed to tell me. My plane leaves on Tuesday morning, so I needed to be back here tonight in order to avoid leaving Inverness at an ungodly hour. Instead, I hitched a ride with a cousin and I'll take a shuttle to the airport at a reasonable hour in the morning.

I could have tried to change my flight but I don't have the energy for that. And, in a way, it's nice to have a day completely to myself. Sort of a buffer between Dad and Mom. I know Mom wasn't thrilled when I told her the situation, but I didn't want to lie. She can live with it. Besides, we'll have plenty of time together.

So let me tell you the good news. I got email from Owen. Now, we haven't been completely out of touch. When I got to Inverness and realized that I had no cell reception, I sent him an email letting him know. We exchanged a couple of short messages and a "Happy New Year" text.

Today, back in Berkeley, at a rare open internet coffee shop, I saw an email from Owen. An email that was not a response to one of mine!

The substance of the message was that next week, after I get back, he has to go to New York for work and he's going to stay for the weekend to visit a good friend. He suggested that he come over after work one night so we could catch up. This makes me happy for several reasons--he's thinking about me, he's planning ahead and he's compromising. Everything I could ask for.

I'm a little sad, though, that he's going to NY without me. It's something we've vaguely talked about doing together. I probably shouldn't invite myself, not only because he might want to just hang with his friend, but because it's too soon for me to run off on another trip after being away so long.

Instead of emailing again, I called him this afternoon. We talked for about a half an hour and it was good to tell him about my trip. I also talked to Mom and Audrey, my friend in Seattle. I'm playing phone tag with Pele.

I punted on asking Owen about meeting him in NY. All I said was, "I want to go to New York!" He said, "Yeah, it's fun." Not, "Why don't you come?" But I don't expect him to read my mind. I shouldn't worry about this but I know I will worry about it until I figure out how to address it with him. But there are too many unknowns. The two main ones: will I feel like going and how would he feel about me going. I'm trying to move into "assume he's not going anywhere" territory, but it's hard. I don't want to push--I don't want to push him away. But if I were going to NY, I would definitely invite him. Maybe in a half-assed way (I know you probably can't, but if you could, maybe you might think about it…), but I would still do it. I'm not knocking him for not doing it, but now it's awkward. It's always awkward to ask when the answer might be no.

Eh, I'll sleep on it. Plenty of time to figure this out. Next assignment: look forward to having a great time in Seattle!

Grateful for: my day off. Drop me a line.

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