Friday (the entry not published)
So, today, I was out of the office at an all day meeting. The meeting is one of the more interesting of the all day variety, but I still had a hard time focusing, staying awake and keeping warm. Why is it that these meetings are always in freezing cold rooms? They do give us lunch, which was nice, and the meeting ended early so I had a chance to do some shopping and reading afterwards.
Of course, Owen and I have tentative plans tonight. I heard from him on Thursday, but it wasn't to do with Friday. That was fine. I let him know I'd be out of the office and that I wouldn't have email access. I figured I'd hear from him eventually. I didn't want to call because that might be interpreted as "pressure." Lordy. This situation has put me a bit on edge. After my shopping adventure (4 new pairs of underwear--woo hoo!), I decided to go home. I thought, I'll call him at 5:30 if I haven't heard from him by then. A few minutes after I got home, at approximately 5:30, guess what happened? He called.
We decided that he'd come over and hang out--just a relaxing night at home after a long, hard week. I'm ordering some Thai food in a few minutes so it will get here around the same time Owen does.
Saturday (written on Sunday)
Owen fell asleep very early on Friday, around 9:30, (I went to sleep around 10:30) so we managed to get up at a more or less reasonable hour on Saturday. I had the car, so we drove to Virgina, got some breakfast and went back to his place. We also talked about a lot of things, including some of his relationship fears. There was no arguing, just some good heart-to-heart stuff that we don't usually do. In the context of a discussion about being happy in relationships, he said, jokingly, "That's right, I'm going to call you every day and say something mean..."
I said, "You're going to call me every day?!?"
We burst out laughing. Later I said, "You know, if I write that exchange on the blog there are going to be people who don't see the humor at all. They'll tell me 'you are so needy! stop being so demanding.'"
He said, "You have to put the right punctuation after it, so they'll get it."
When he got to my place on Friday, he told me about how crazy work was and how stressful it's been. I was glad that he was able to get some of that off his chest. When he ran out of work stories, I said, "The blog kind of exploded this week." I told him about the record-breaking number of comments and how I need to get better perspective on the negative things people say. We didn't much discuss the details of the post until Saturday evening. Owen asked, "What was the post about, exactly?"
I told him it was about our argument on Friday and the discussion we had on Saturday and how he came to dinner with my brother. I said, "Lots of people accused me of wanting constant contact or telling you to call me every day when I said no such thing."
"They're not really reading--or they're just deciding that's what you did even though you said something else."
"Yeah, a lot of people bring their own experiences to bear and decide that's what I'm doing. It's funny."
I also asked him why he wasn't interested in reading anymore. "Well, when I saw there wasn't much about me, I kind of lost interest." We both laughed because we know the whole damn thing is about him these days. He continued, "I decided that I didn't need to read since it's all based on conversations we've had...I don't need to read it. Also, it feels like a cheat sheet. I want to get to know you in person."
"That's a very good thing. But you are interested in the comments--which are based on what I've written, not our full interaction--so maybe you should see the version that I've written."
"I'd probably only remember as much as you've written anyway, so it doesn't really matter."
I like his take on the blog. I asked why he wanted me to tell him about it if he didn't want to read. He said, "It's an important part of your life and I want to hear about it." Isn't he sweet?
You might wonder, dear readers, how everything got so easy when just last week, it was so wicked hard. The answer is that I gave up. I saw where things were heading, how they've been, and I decided to stop fighting it. I was fine all week, just knowing that I was going to see Owen on Friday. It freed us to relax and have a good weekend.
On Saturday, I laid it out for him, "You know, maybe we can just decide that we'll see each other on weekends, at least for now."
"Ok, that sounds good."
"I would like it if we can make some kind of plan--the way we did it this week worked fine for me. If I know I'm going to see you on the weekend, then I'm good."
"That shouldn't be a problem. I'm good about letting you know if something comes up."
"You are good. I don't see why it shouldn't work. And we can just not worry about mid-week stuff--you know, unless something comes up."
After this conversation, I could almost feel a shift in Owen's attitude. He was warm and affectionate for the rest of the weekend. I felt happier too. I also told him how some of the comments suggested that I just make other plans and not wait for him. He said, "Yes, that's a good idea!"
"You know, you said that last Friday too. I should have put it in the post. But I don't want to play games and I don't want to make 'other plans' right before you go out of town for ten days."
"No, but it doesn't have to be a game. I'm not saying make plans for the whole weekend vindictively, but you should make other plans if you want to."
"Oh, I'm sure I will. And then you'll learn your lesson."
"I will indeed!"
I have to say, we handled all this really well. We even had this silly argument on Saturday when we were trying to give Owen's roommate, Barry, directions. Owen explained which exit to take from the metro but I didn't think Barry was following. Barry asked for the address and I said it was on 9th St, near G, and I asked Owen to confirm. Owen didn't confirm, he just kept repeating his directions. I said, "Barry doesn't want that, he wants the cross streets." Owen was annoyed and when we left he snapped at me. We got in the car and he said, "Do you notice that we fight about the dumbest things?"
I laughed and said, "Yes!" He laughed too. I said, "I was just trying to get you to confirm that I had the cross street right."
He said, "But I don't know the cross street. I just know how to get there by getting out the right exit."
"Well, see, I didn't know that. You didn't say that. But I know it's easy to find the place if you can get the right exit." And as soon as we saw that we were at cross purposes, we relaxed, laughed and I can foresee fewer silly arguments in our future.
Regarding the "weekends only" dating, I'm not saying that I can indefinitely have a relationship that is weekends only, but I can have one that is weekends only for now (whatever that means). I'm going to stop pushing and expecting and start enjoying what I have with Owen, which is pretty damn good. And whoever thinks this happened because of the good advice you gave me, you can pat yourself on the back. (Actually, most of the comments just made me question my future with Owen, which was a rather unpleasant.)
Saturday, we went to dinner/bowling with his friends and it was a good time. I was supposed to also make it to a friend's holiday party, but I was lame and skipped it. (Sorry, K, hope you got my text apology.)
We were there until 12:30 and a young couple moved to the lane next to ours around midnight. The guy entered his name as "Jesus." He had that white-guy Jesus look--longish, straight hair and a beard. (He was a brunette, though.) He had a peculiar bowling style and made some very difficult spares. I said to Owen after witnessing one, "It's a miracle!" Jesus was wearing a button down shirt, which he removed to reveal a t-shirt that said "Steelers." Jesus is a Steeler's fan. Of course, it had to be.
In the morning I went to book group. I almost finished the book, but didn't quite make it. I was joined at the meeting only by Max, who hadn't even obtained a copy of the book. We hung out and talked about this and that for about an hour. I said I thought we should go on hiatus, but Max said, "It's like saying 'let's take a break' when you're dating. Too wishy-washy." Being wishy-washy about ending the book group doesn't bother me. I just know I don't have the desire to lead the group anymore. I've pretty much abdicated my leadership responsibilities over the last several months anyway. I dunno. I might be ready for a new group, or a new version of this old group, in six months, but, for now, I'm done. I want to set my own reading pace and pick my own books for a while. I'll miss the opportunity for discussion...but if I find it hard to live without, then I'll try and reactivate my group or find a new one.
Owen, Barry and Bonnie were planning to go see the Borat movie today. Owen knew I didn't want to see it again--but he still invited me. On Saturday he asked when book group ended and then said, "Maybe you can meet us after the movie--we can all get dinner together."
I said, "That sounds good." And that's where I'm headed right now. Later gators.
Grateful for: acceptance.
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