Wednesday, October 11, 2006


Hypothetically, if you have accrued a total of five dates with someone over a four week period—and someone else asks you out, what do you do?

You don't have a boyfriend. You don't have an agreement. In fact, you seem to be dating someone incapable of picking up the phone.

(I last saw the five-date boy on Friday (read: Saturday morning) and I haven't talked to him since. No big deal! At least that's what I keep telling myself. I've decided not to call him since he's worried about being pressured. No call=no pressure! (?) If he's interested, he'll call. Why wouldn't he call? Right? Right.)

Ok, so, hypothetically speaking, someone else asks you out. It's super casual and probably friendly. If it were "just" friendly, that would be fantastic since he is a likable guy. Confusingly, if the five-date guy were not in the picture, you would consider the new guy to have boyfriend potential.

According to one source, you have three one-on-one "dates" with the new person before anything needs to be said to anyone. Since you previously had a one-on-one outing with this person, you have two to go.

According to me, this hypothetical situation is both perplexing and delightful. If one were to say, spend an inordinate amount of time moping about the lack of a phone call (not that I would ever do such a thing), receiving a call from an attractive, single, friendly guy could ease the mind. It is a potential perspective generator.

One thing I do know, is that you say "yes" to the date, but keep things casual (say, choose a Wednesday after work instead of a Saturday night). What I'm not sure about is when you tell either of these guys about each other. If one were to, say, never get another call from the five-date guy, then the answer is pretty simple. But that seems to be an unlikely outcome. It might cross one's mind to use the new guy as "leverage." But how would that go? "See, you might not be interested enough to call me, but there are others who will, so it's time to step it up (or complete your rejection)." Even contemplating such a thing gives you the "icks."

I'm really at a loss. I decided I wouldn't call (at least for the next week) because calling puts me in a terrible position where I seem to be justifying my interest. He also indicated a dislike of talking on the phone. Knowing what I know, calling in a timely fashion may not mean a whole hell of a lot. Or it might mean a lot. I would be willing to say, hey, I'm done, if only almost all of the time we'd spent together hadn't been so good. If his behavior towards me hadn't been all I could have asked for--kind, attentive, affectionate, caring. He makes me happy. I don't want to date anyone else. But, I guess if you ignore me long enough, I will.

Oh sigh.

Grateful for: perspective (sorta).

Drop me a line.

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