Friday, October 20, 2006

The cycle

Owen canceled our date for tonight. He called yesterday and told me he had to work late. "I wanted to let you know as soon as possible so you could do something else." Oh sigh. I wasn't upset, just disappointed. He said, "But we can do something on Saturday, ok?"

"Well, um, I have to babysit on Saturday night."

"Oh...Sunday then?" Owen said.

"Sure. But, well, you can join me...if you want."

"Um, yeah, after this crazy week, taking care of little kids is the last thing I want to do."

I said, "No, I don't blame you. But you could come over after they go to sleep. They're in bed by 8:30. You could come over at 9pm."

"We'll see. I'll talk to you tomorrow or Saturday, ok?"

"Ok. Wait...are you sure about Friday? If you are, I'm going to make other plans."

He said, "I'm sure. I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine. Just...well...I hope you get all your work done."

"Thanks. I will. I have to go. Bye."


It surprises me that I'm not upset. It's so clearly not a rejection that I can't get angry about it, but I'm starting to miss him. I haven't seen him since Sunday and yesterday was the first time we spoke. The entire conversation lasted ten minutes and it wasn't exactly satisfying. Frustrating, that's what this is. And yet, yet, there are certain advantages. If I know I'll see him on the weekend, then I'm comfortable not seeing him during the week--at least for now. I like my routine and I don't feel crowded, which often happens to me in the early stages of a relationship. While our time together is super intense, it's also nice to kinda-sorta take things slowly. But it's not nice if I never get to see him! It was clear when we spoke that he wanted to see me too and that we'll figure something out. We will and it will be fine. And I made plans with CK for Friday, I'm back to eating normally and I've exercised every day this week (only rowed once, though, it was a bit too hard for me)--life is good.

Grateful for: my routine.

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