Friday, August 18, 2006

Meme plus

Big Orange Michael (Go Vols!) tagged me with a "four things" meme yesterday. I've answered a similar meme before, but this one is slightly different, so it gets it's own response. Here's the original.

Before I start the meme, I have a short update on the David situation. Yesterday, I was convinced that we were done. I was feeling a little sad about it. There I was, ready to be "bad," and, instead, I was rejected. Again. All this rejection is getting a little hard to take. I had dinner plans with Diego and right before we left the office, I sent David a text message: "You back? I am."

We hadn't spoken since Friday, when I called him. He answered and hung up almost immediately after saying, "I'm at lunch, I have to call you back." I didn't hear from him and on Sunday I sent a text message, "Hey, what happened to you the other day?" He wrote back right away, "Sorry. I'm in [distant city]. See you next week." That message put me at ease and led me to think I would, indeed, see him again. Then I found myself wondering if I wanted to see him again. Do I only want what I can't have?

Back at work on Wednesday, I told Diego the story and he said that I wouldn't hear from David again. That he'd lost interest. He advised me to start dating other guys. (There is a guy from the site-that-shall-remain-nameless who wants to go out with me, but I keep putting him off. Oh, and there is the other guy from the free site who wants to have lunch with me. Ok, I guess I'm not the only one who is ever rejected.)

So, last night, I sent David the text. And by the time Diego and I arrived at the restaurant, David had left me a voice mail. I called him back and he suggested he come over later. I said I wasn't sure, it would be too late. I said, "Call me later and we'll see how I feel."

I had an enjoyable evening with Diego and friends, but I must admit, it was a little hard to focus on our discussion of Jane Jacobs' Death and Life of Great American Cities while wondering if I was going to see David later on.

When our food came, I told Diego he was wrong. "About what?"
Since I didn't know the other people in our group very well, I said, "Something. You know."
"What? I'm never wrong."
"You were wrong this time. About someone."
Then Diego got the most wonderful, surprised, wide-open-eyed look. "Really! He called?"
"Indeed he did."
Diego was possibly more excited than I was.

David called again while I was at dinner, suggesting that we get together earlier. I didn't get the message until I was in a cab on the way home. I called him, but he was just sitting down to dinner (at 9:15?). He said he'd call me when they were done. And guess, what? He did.

There was a lot of back and forth about whether I should go out to meet him or if he should just come to my place. It was getting on towards 10:30 when I finally told him he should just come over. I wasn't interested in getting in a cab to go meet him and drink. If we wanted to drink, I had plenty to offer at my place. My logic won the day and he showed up around 11pm.

I watched a movie while I waited for David and I had a little back and forth in my head about him. Did I want him to come over? What was he expecting? What was I expecting? How could he be so sure it was a good idea? Was I sure? Then I stopped myself when I got to "sure." This "sure" business can be deceptive. There was no need to be sure about anything. David wasn't sure, I wasn't sure, and that was fine. I could be unsure and still want to see him.

I had a good time with him. We talked, had a drink. I was terribly nervous. I still enjoyed being with him. I don't know where this is heading…or maybe I do. I thought I'd feel more confused, more emotional, more worried, but I don't. I'm feeling calm and unconcerned.

David asked if I'd been thinking about him. I said, "Constantly. Well, not really." He said, "I was thinking about you."
"Really? I guess you crossed my mind a few times."
"Ah, now the truth comes out."

David asked about my past relationships, specifically, who was my last boyfriend. I told him a little about Tim (the separated-but-not-divorced military guy). I said, "It was great, except that I was an anxious mess for the entire relationship."
He said, "Are you usually anxious in a relationship?"
"Well, I can be. When there is a big fat reason to be anxious. Like if the guy is married."
"Yeah, that makes sense."
I suppose he was wondering, reasonably, if I would be anxious about him. I've been wondering the same thing. At least as of today, I'm not. As David said, "You're 37, you can do whatever you want!" I said, "I know. I wish I was more 37 about this and less...23."

We'll just have to see how this goes.

And, now, the aforementioned meme….

Four jobs I wish I had the capabilities of:
Medical doctor
Successful author
Actress (or any cool movie-industry job)
Ballerina (minus the crazy body-image issues)

Four names I wish I had other than my own:
Jamy (some people actually call me this)

Four songs I could listen to over and over again (not including almost anything that Ella Fitzgerald sings):
We Used to be Friends—The Dandy Warhols
You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet—Bachman-Turner Overdrive
Don't Let's Start—They Might be Giants

Four TV shows I love to watch. I answered this before, but I would add one:
Rescue Me—not for the faint of heart, but you must see it.

Four places I would like to go to on vacation:

Four of my favorite cuisines:
Indian (all regions)
Italian (northern)

Four places I wish I was right now:
Home, napping
At the movies
On a sailboat
On a long train ride

Grateful for: taking chances.

Drop me a line.

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