I know I should write. I think I should write. But I don't want to write.
I'm so out of the groove. It feels like weeks since I wrote—but didn't I just post something yesterday?
I keep thinking of funny stories to tell about the past, but then I go ahead and tell them and I don't write them down.
Being away from home, out of my normal routines, is not a bad thing. But it's not a good thing for writing. Now that I've adjusted to the time difference, I get to sleep through the night (no early morning wake up calls from Miss Tabitha). There is a dog here at Dad's, and he is adorable. I don't feel guilty about not vacuuming, not cleaning or not cooking. Dad takes me out to dinner and lunch and always pays. Dad and I are getting along fine.
So far, Dad has only made one classic "Dad" move. We were driving to San Francisco last night to have dinner with some friends. Dad says, "Can I ask you a personal question?"
I say, slowly, "Okay." Remember, this is the man who likes to ask if I want to have babies and suggest that I get artificially inseminated because I am "a woman of a certain age."
Dad says, "Are you happy? Do you like your life?"
Big sigh of relief. "Yes. I'm happy."
"That's what I thought. That's what I tell people. You like your job, you have good friends, you have a good life."
Notice the slight undercurrent of worry here? Not that I blame him. He can tell I'm reasonably satisfied with my life. But I'm also single, childless and not exactly young.
I say, "Well, I don't love my job. It's kind of boring. But it's ok."
We proceed to have a long-ish talk about my job and whether I'll stay at my agency for the rest of my career, which is frightening, but possible. Dad says, "You could make a good career there." I don't mind talking about work dissatisfaction. I was just happy NOT to discuss my romantic life with Dad. Especially since it's 100% virtual these days.
What else have I been doing?
On Tuesday, work stuff. On Wednesday, work stuff, including a 4.5 hour drive that landed me south of Fresno. On Thursday, more work stuff and then a drive back to Berkeley. On Friday, I was supposed to work, but it was cancelled. Instead, I spent a lot of time in coffee shops and had lunch with Dad. I was still exhausted from driving nine hours in two days.
My running is on hiatus since I started to develop shin splints (bad form!). I will try running again tomorrow. I'll do the 4-5 minutes running/1 minute walking deal.
This afternoon, all of my cousins who live in this area are coming over—mostly to see me. Five cousins, plus spouses and kids. My step-sisters may show up too. I don't see these members of my family often, and I'm looking forward to it. There may be those awkward job and boyfriend questions, but I can handle it. I'm happy, after all. Life is not perfect, there are things I want that I don't have. But, overall, it's a damn good life and I try to appreciate it. This blog has helped me see that. If I compare how I felt when I started writing to now, I see definite positive progress.
Two more Berkeley days, then off to the madness that is Seattle. It's a good trip so far.
Grateful for: a good life.
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