Friday, November 25, 2005

Important things

First, my back is feeling much, much better. The day I went to the doctor, I rated my pain as 9 out of 10. Today, I'm at a 3 or less. It's been getting better steadily and yesterday I noticed that while I'm walking it doesn't hurt at all. It's time to start going back to the gym and ease into lifting weights. I'm not sure how much longer I need to take the drugs, but I'll stick with them for at least another week. When I see the physical therapy people next week, I'll ask for their recommendation.

Next, I bought a digital camera. I planned to go into the store and hold a few, but I walked out of there with one very nice, very expensive Cannon. I have the money, I just prefer never to spend it. What can I say? I tend to spend money in dribs and drabs on cheap shoes, bags and clothing. This time, I spent it all in one plunk on a camera. Will I use it enough to justify the expense? Who knows. I have two weeks to decide if I want to keep it. I'll try and use that time wisely.

Thanksgiving did not go as expected, though I'm not sure what I expected. Spesh thought we should go for vegetarian Indian food, and while I'm almost always happy to do that, it just didn't appeal to me on Thanksgiving. I did not expect to have turkey, and, unexpectedly, I started to crave turkey. Chinese food, which has a certain comfort value, would have been acceptable, but Indian food wasn't going to do it. I woke early on Thursday still uncertain about our plans. I hadn't talked to DrJ, C-money was rumored to be leaving town, and Spesh was vague. That was all fine, I had plenty of things to keep me busy. Namely, I was going to make a pie.

I got the pie preparations underway. Just as I finished mixing the dough for the crust and was about to wrap it in plastic and pop it in the freezer for ten minutes (a necessary step prior to rolling it out) TR, work friend and near neighbor, called and invited me to eat turkey at his house. I've spent Thanksgiving with TR's family for the last five years, except for last year. Last year, I asked TR what we were doing for Thanksgiving and he said he and the family were going to a friend's house and they couldn't invite me. I was not pleased. He felt bad, but there was nothing he could do.

This year, I didn't ask for an invitation. I ask once and once only. Then I'm done. So, TR, who had heard all about the non-existence of my T-day plans, called me at 9:00 am and asked if I want to come over. I thanked him and said I wasn't sure if I could make it, but I'd let him know as soon as I got things sorted out with my friends.

DrJ called at 9:30 am and said she and C-money were invited to a vegetarian-potluck Thanksgiving, but would be available for Indian lunch if that were the plan. I told her I'd just gotten a turkey invite, and would probably do that, but I'd tell Spesh about their plans. (Spesh was invited to TR's and the potluck.)

I called Spesh at his office--and he was there! He didn't care to go to TR's and I said I wasn't up for Indian lunch, but that DrJ and C-money were willing if he wanted to do with them.

I called TR, talked to SR (his wife) and said I would love to join them. I offered to bring the pie, but didn't need my pie because she already had two. Instead I brought a bottle of wine.

I assume DrJ and C-money went to the potluck. I have no idea what Spesh did. He doesn't care much about Thanksgiving and was only making plans with us to be sociable, so I wasn't worried about him. (He called today to go out to lunch because he was in my neighborhood. Unfortunately, he was in the neighborhood where I live, not where I work, so no lunch for us. Today, I am working! Really.)

I finished making the pumpkin pie. Someone really needs to come over and eat some. One pie is a lot for one person.

During much of the pie-making process, I talked to my mom on the phone. I told her about the camera and she agreed that I'd spent too much money on it, though the camera probably wasn't overpriced. She did say that if I loved it, I should keep it. After the pie was in the oven, I sat in the living room and told Mom about my recent encounter with Tim. She didn't freak out or get angry. We seem to get along much better since I stopped keeping secrets from her. Go figure.

Her reaction was similar to mine. She didn't condemn him. She encouraged me to look at it from my perspective. As in, would I ever want to be with him and would he be good for me? I don't have an answer for that, but I know that if he were completely available, I probably would give him another chance because we got along so well together and most of the time spent with him was good, happy time. But my anxiety about his situation hung over the relationship so it's hard to say what things would be like if he were divorced and available. I would be curious enough to find out, though.

Mom had some insight into why he might keep returning to his wife and yet not behave well. She said, "Some people aren't able to tell when they can't forgive. He may be one of those. It's a mistake to go back then, but you feel compelled to keep trying. He may never be able to get out it." She is one of those people, of course, which she acknowledged. She was not able to forgive my father's bad behavior, yet she reconciled with him several times out of a sense of loyalty and guilt. Sigh.

After I got off the phone with Mom and took the pie out of the oven, I looked through an old journal that covered the time I was involved with David. There is some great stuff in there that I will share with you soon. I love that my old journals are full of dialogue. Makes it so much easier to reconstruct those events. What the journals lack is self-awareness. The same journal also recorded this experience, but lacks an expression of the horror and guilt I felt. (I have to go back and revise slightly because I have some of the details wrong.) I was not able to write about those feelings. I'm not sure why I couldn't. I do go on and on about wanting to be friends with David forever and how close I felt to him. Sheesh.

Thanksgiving at TR's was very pleasant. The food was excellent. SR is a great cook. The five adults (TR & SR, another couple, and me) managed to have some adult conversation while looking out for the five kids under five. I know TR's three kids and we are comfortable around each other. The other kids were sweet and friendly. I took lots of pictures of all the kids with the new camera and someday I may even upload them. One thing at a time.

I got home at 6:30pm, sated, exhausted and bearing leftovers. I did a minimal amount of clean-up and plunked myself in front of the tv. About an hour later I ate a small piece of the pie I'd made. Yum.

Velvet called around 9:30 pm to confirm our plans to go out. Heh. That was not going to happen. We chatted for an hour until I became too tired to continue. Then, sleep.

It turned out to be a darn good Thanksgiving. I hope you all had a similarly relaxing time.

Grateful for: low expectations and suprises.

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