Wednesday, October 12, 2005

A quick one

Yom Kippur starts tonight and I will be attending services and fasting, as I do every year. I've fasted since I was 13, but I've been a little spotty on attending services. From about age 16 to 23, I didn't go. I have tickets this year and I like the Rabbi, so I'm definitely going tonight. I'll be there part of tomorrow, certainly for the evening services. I like the morning service, but I may sleep in and get my life organized instead. We'll see how inspired I am.

Tonight I will do some laundry and go to bed early. Maybe I'll read the book group book, which I finally managed to buy on Monday. Tomorrow, in the mid-day, I may start packing and finish the laundry. Maybe I'll mail Tim his birthday present so he'll get it by next Tuesday. I'm bummed that I'll miss his birthday. I'm especially bummed because instead of seeing me, he'll probably do something with his wife. This situation is icky.

I haven't spoken to Tim since Tuesday morning. Given that it is now Wednesday afternoon, it is no big deal. And guess what? I'm not freaking out. It's a first. Of course, it helps that we made plans. We're seeing each other on Thursday evening, after I'm done with the praying and the fasting. I don't suppose we'll do anything elaborate--I'll be tired. Fasting tends to take it out of me (and it's a dry fast, so I'll probably have a headache by the end of the day).

I'll be extra full of nerves since I leave for Seattle on Friday morning. Luckily, my flight is at 11:00 am so no crazy early waking up is required. Tim may have to come over to my house and watch me pack. What fun! I'm oddly transformed while packing into a hyper, flitting creature. Packing for this trip should be easy: three pairs of black pants, some long sleeve shirts, a fleece jacket, my parka and waterproof boots. (Of course, there will be more: sneakers, exercise clothes, night clothes, one skirt, one nice pair of shoes, electronic equipment, toiletries, under things, etc.) It's already cold and rainy in Seattle and I'm not planning to go out on the town, so it should be easy. I'm still thinking I should start the packing tonight so I don't have too much to do on Thursday and I can have a good time with Tim instead of subjecting him to my packing drama.

I don't feel anxious or crazy, but I do feel a little sad. The situation with Tim is so sticky, how can anything good come of it? How long will it take him to resolve the divorce issue? Will it go on until he's actually divorced? Will he come out of it and still want to be with me? Does my presence make things worse? How long should I wait for him?

I can't answer these questions, but they are floating around, leaving me uneasy. I hope that while I'm home, drinking perfect cappuccinos and staying well insulated in many layers of wool clothing, I can put these thoughts out of my head. I will see my friends, have fun with Mom, do a lot of writing and enjoy Seattle. I'll miss Tim. But I'll also miss Pele and the rest of the DC crew. Not to mention Miss Tabitha. Poor baby! TR is coming to feed her, so she should be ok. But she'll be lonely. Ah, feel the guilt? Tim offered to look in on her too, but we didn't decide if he would or not. We'll see.

As far as the blog goes, I have something in the hopper that will go up tomorrow. It's a long childhood story, but relevant to dating. It will be up for a few days so you can take your time to read it. There will even be pictures! I don't know when I'll be able to post from Seattle. I'm sure I'll find a nice coffee shop near Mom's with wifi and post from there, but I won't use Mom's computer (scary!). Can you believe I told Tim about the blog before I told Mom or Dad? Ah, the parents--always the last to know.

Take care everyone. Have an easy fast.

Grateful for: time away.

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