Wednesday, August 10, 2005

No mas, por favor

I'd like to talk to you about Jay, but before I do, I need to ask a favor.

No more advice or opinions. If you want to say, "you go!" or "you have the best blog in the world!" that would be fine. But no more speculation about how Jay feels, thinks or should act. No more telling me things that you think may hurt.

I may fall on my face. I may make a fool of myself. But there's nothing you can do about it. I will survive to tell you amusing dating and boyfriend stories. But I've gotten completely overwhelmed by the cacophony of advice. It's out there, swirling around me, confusing me and making me sad. I'm sad enough already.

I know that each and every one of you means well. I love you all. I love comments. I crave comments. But for the sake of my sanity, please, restrain yourselves.

I did not send Jay an email on Tuesday. I talked to SB (I know, I know) about it today and found myself in tears. I'm not much of a crier and it was not a lot of fun. She said, "you have to sit quietly with this and your gut will tell you what to do." You know why I was so upset? Because I thought I had to give up. When I asked my gut what to do, it said, "call him." So I did. He did not answer and I did not leave a message, but I felt much better. I still feel better.

I felt like I should let it go. I reviewed the guidelines, I listened to the advice and it was clear that I had to stop. Either he's slow or he doesn't like me. If he's slow, I'll hear from him eventually. If he doesn't like me, I won't hear from him.

But, this is what I think. If I need to tell him what to do to make it work, I'll tell him. If he's not interested, he can say no. There's really no wrecking it. If he likes me and he's slow, calling him for a date won't ruin things. I'm not exactly in the fast lane here. I haven't been beating down his door, leaving lots of messages or emailing constantly.

If I feel like calling again I will. If I don't, I won't. And that's that. I'll be sure to keep you apprised of any developments.

Grateful for: making up my mind.

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