Jamy: I just got home. This is crazy.
Pele: You make no sense.
J: I went to trivia last night. Jay was there. We did not play trivia because it was too crowded. CC brought some work friends and Jay had a friend (Protip). We drank and played darts for a few hours. Then everyone left except for me, Jay and his friend. We went to another bar. Drank too much [I only had one drink at the second bar, the guys drank...much more]. Jay kissed me at the bar.
P: Proving that the boy needs to be plied with alcohol. So you slept at the bar?
J: Yes. No! Protip wanted to watch a movie at Jay's place, so we went over there. We did not watch a movie. Protip left. I "slept" there. Jay just drove me home.
P: So the friend knew he needed to help Jay along, you both played hookie from work, and you didn't do much sleeping?
J: Yes, but Jay doesn't have much work to do. We didn't sleep, but mostly we were talking, some kissing, but actually less in the bed. He didn't think I liked him. He also invited me to his sister's wedding in September.
P: With this boy--I'm glad to hear there was talking.
J: I don't know how serious it was...but I wouldn't answer.
P: Wow--so he has already imagined a long term thing with you too! Wouldn't answer!
J: This morning, I tried to leave, but I was dying to find out when I'd see him again. Finally, I said, do you want to get together again? He said, what about next Wednesday? That didn't make me too happy. So I said, no need to rush things, why not just wait for the next weekend? He said he was going to be out of town. Then he said he didn't have my number, but I told him he did because I put it in his phone at the bar. He said he would call me.
P: I think there may be little room for coyness (while there is reason to be sensible).
J: I still don't have his number! Argh. He really wouldn't give it to me. Weirdo.
P: Maybe he wants to call you. But he is probably confused because you don't want to rush things and wouldn't agree to the wedding. I'm glad you had a good night. Isn't that the point of all this too?
J: Of course I want to go to the wedding. It's in California though! He said, well you might be in the area anyway [my dad lives in Berkeley] so then you could come. I really don't think he was joking.
P: The point is, shy boy Jay invited you to his SISTER'S wedding in CALIFORNIA.
J: I know, it's crazy!
P: Not crazy--good.
J: It was really surreal. I'd written him off after what CC said. I couldn't believe he was interested...in anything.
P: Ah, alcohol. And friend who knows him.
J: The friend was like, "I feel bad, am I cockblocking?" I said, no, he's not that interested. [Though, by then, Jay had his arm on my shoulders and was holding my hand.]
J: So dumb.
P: I guess my point is, be careful not to blow him off when he shows interest...but that doesn't mean you have to be crazy!
J: But, in that situation in the bar, I was the shy one. He was emboldened by alcohol.
P: Good! He needed to do a little work!
J: You are right. I need to not be coy. Is he going to call me?
P: I also said you shouldn't be crazy--and in this case that has two meanings! Crazy: caution to the wind crazy. And crazy: he doesn't like me and will never call me.
J: Oh, and when he first asked me to the wedding and I was surprised, he said, "I'm not asking you to marry me!" If only he knew.
P: We are operating on the "men tell you everything you need to know in the first three dates rule." Thus, clearly, he wants to marry you.
J: He actually said, "I love you" in that joking way. [I said something that he particularly liked and he said, "I love you" and gave my shoulders a squeeze.] I don't believe the whole thing. Maybe I wasn't right (in that we won't actually get married) but I was RIGHT. He was way more touchy than I was in the bar.
P: Well that's that. I'm wishing we could skip to the end where I'm at the wedding.
J: He was very restrained in the bed.
P: Good I approve of that.
[We talked a little more about the three date rule, which I'd forgotten about. We came up with it when Pele was dating a fellow who said, on their first or second date, "I don't need any other woman besides my mother."]
The rule is true, you know.
J: Then he loves me and wants to marry me. Therefore, sex is no rush because we have the rest of our lives for that. [As much as I find him attractive, there was no desperate need to have sex and he was not pushy at all. I choose to see this as a positive thing.]
P: The three date rule is scary to me because looking back I think it is really true.
J: So, we haven't really had three dates, just three meetings. He said he loves me, wants to take me to important family event, thought I didn't really like him and just wanted to be friends with the group (which I told him was true, but that I really liked him a lot).
P: Doesn't matter--your time is up. The rest of the information will be harder to get (you might have one more event).
J: I knew it would be easy to be with him and it was.
P: Did you tell him about my dive for the chair, did he notice that you sat next to him?
J: No, no, no! I did tell him that CC said he didn't like me (which I probably shouldn't have).
P: Oh no, that is fair enough, she won't care.
J: I also said I asked her for his number, and that I was annoyed that he ran away after trivia. He was like, my ride was leaving! And, why are you annoyed, you're here aren't you?
P: No excuse for rudeness.
J: I laughed and said I was still annoyed but that it was funny now.
P: Key word "was" and, you were there no thanks to him.
J: No shit!
P: He's still useless
J: Well, we know what that was about. Also, I think he liked someone else! He was hinting about that.
J: But it was busted up and now he's all mine. He seemed to think CC might've told me about it.
P: Interesting. No, CC was good!
J: He said he liked a girl for a long time, then she hooked up with his friend. So he got his heart broke a little. He didn't tell me more (which was fine).
P: Telling you some was good! Sign of moving on. Telling you too much would mean he hadn't really moved on.
J: Yes. He also told me a very funny blind date story. And I told a couple "old bf" anecdotes and he just laughed. Thank God.
P: All sounds good.
J: It's about time I dated someone who doesn't take that stuff personally.
P: I want to hear more, but I have a swamped day. Not taking bf stories personally is a big must. I'm not surprised that he doesn't take them personally.
J: I'm worried I'll feel like a fool if he doesn't call.
P: Back to crazy. He will call.
J: Oh. Ok. I will stop.
P: And if it takes a little longer, it is because he is nervous about rejection. He will call.
So, get the picture? I got together with my fantasy boy. I'm very unsure of the whole thing. I wondered if I should not spend the night with him but I couldn't help it. I was going to ride that train to the end of the line. I wanted to sleep next to him, I couldn't resist. Of course, I was so jumpy, I couldn't sleep--but it wasn't a sex thing. He was telling me that bed was a king and how it had an extra six inches but he said "sex" inches. I said, there's a lot of extra sex in this bed.
What else? He asked if I wanted a t-shirt to sleep in. I hadn't thought about it. He handed me the shirt and stood there looking at me. I grinned at him. He said, "Should I leave for a second?"
"I guess so." He left the room and I put on the shirt, but I left my skirt on. He came back and got under the covers and we cuddled up. He said, "So what are you wearing?"
"Nothing. I still have my skirt on. Why are you asking? You weren't going to check?"
"No, well, I was curious. I didn't want to be too..."
"Right." Much later I took the skirt off too. It is not practical to sleep in a skirt.
I never had to say, "We're not having sex." We joked about it a bit. I said, "What would you do if I said, I want to have sex RIGHT NOW?
" "I would turn you down."
"Good. You would turn me down!"
"You women." We laughed. Of course I want to have sex, but I don't think waiting will be problem. I want to wait. It was good just being close to him. And surreal. It seemed so unlikely that I was there with him and that we liked each other. And that he ever thought I wasn't interested. We had this conversation in the bar, "CC said you weren't interested."
"I love hanging out with you!"
"I thought you just wanted to be friends. It was more about CC and Nick and the group."
"It was. But I liked you. Of course. Right away."
"Really!" I hugged him.
Can you believe that when he first leaned in for a kiss, I dodged him? (I had to take the inititive and kiss him a moment later.) I couldn't believe it. I still don't believe it. It was pretty hard to leave this morning. It was really nice that he drove me home. I have to take Pele's word that he's going to call me because I don't know which way is up.
There was one discouraging note: he's making noises about moving to California. He's not all that thrilled about living in DC. He doesn't like the politics. I didn't argue with him about it too much but it left me feeling uneasy. I said, most of my friends are not involved with politics. I didn't say, don't leave, Jay, before I have a chance to get to know you better! Sigh. (My mind goes here: as much as I like DC, I'm not exactly in love with my job. If I were to live somewhere else it would be NY, Seattle or (somewhere) in California (or maybe Chicago), so maybe we'll move away together. Really need to stop doing that.)
I'm exhausted. I'm not going to far into the future with this. But, he did ask me to that wedding in September. Damn.
Grateful for: my boy.