Monday, July 18, 2005

More Mike

I've been thinking about the whole thing with Mike. I saw him again today because he was in town for a meeting. And, yes, that's a whole lotta Mike. Of course, there was a time when I saw him nearly every day. We reminisced about some old friends, but we tiptoed around things that directly related to our old relationship. For example, we talked about some of Mike's old roommates. We did talk about how they grew illicit substances in the basement and how the house was filthy. We didn't talk about how those roommates were always trying to set us up. If they were having a party they would all conspire to get me alone in a room with Mike. Not talking about those things wasn't much of a sacrifice. But it was a little odd. And he never asked if I was seeing anyone and I didn't volunteer that information. I guess we're doing our own "don't ask, don't tell" thing. Hey, whatever works.

My larger thought: I blew the whole thing out of proportion. I was worried about...nothing. Is this a pattern? I seem to get ahead of myself all the time. I seem to see things that aren't there. I exaggerate. It's not that my instincts are wrong, but I over interpret. I definitely did it with Jay. Sigh.

So. Mike. Sure, Mike likes me. And I like him. I have the same ambivalent, never-to-be-completely-resolved feelings about him that I have always had. Nothing has changed. But now we're mature enough to know there's no point delving into our unresolved (and un-resolvable) romantic feelings. We can hang out and talk politics like we always did. I can tell him my stories and he can be amused. He can talk about his kids and I can be happy for him. And I don't have to feel that I've lost him as a friend.

Grateful for: Mike.

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