Tuesday, June 07, 2005

I'm just fine

Temporary insanity is over. One nice thing about getting older is that these types of feelings have a much shorter shelf-life. Sure, I lost my head and I was a bit overwhelmed by anxiety, but even as the day wore down, I was getting back to normal (at least as normal as I ever am).

I don't think he's calling. But I feel calm. I give myself permission to call him, which means no more waiting (or at least not nearly as much). I'm not really sure if I want to call. I probably will just because it's too tempting and I have some curiosity to satisfy.

Going that crazy over almost nothing is not a good sign. When I meet a new guy, I often get a little crazy and anxious, but it is usually tinged with happiness. I felt a definite tinge of pain and sadness surrounding my anxiety in this situation. I know all that pain is coming from me and has to do with my worries about relationships (namely: never having one), but an encounter with "some guy" shouldn't make me feel as bad as I was feeling. I have to ascribe some of that to what my gut is telling me about Fred. (To be precise, Fred is probably not for me, and it has nothing to do with being a Republican.)

This I find amusing: I have an extra ticket to the Nationals game on Friday. (The "little sister" had first dibs, but can't make it. Princess had next dibs, but will be out of town.) I got the idea stuck in my head that I would take Fred. Today, I'm thinking, "Just make your damn plans and find someone who will use the ticket." Fuck waiting for him to call and get asked out on a really nice baseball date. I emailed a couple of friends who might be interested and one of them better get back to me. It's not that I mind going to the game alone, but I really don't want that ticket to go to waste--it's such a good seat!

You all cracked me up with your comments about the Republican issue. Sometime soon I'll treat you to the story of how I ended up dating a Republican back in November.

Grateful for: getting back to normal.

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