To be perfectly clear, I wasn't serious when I said that the softball guy is my future husband. That is what I like to call "exaggerating for effect." A lot of my humor is based on hyperbole. Please do laugh--with me, at me, whatever. Please don't take me seriously. Especially if I declare a fellow to be my future husband after meeting him once.
Some truth: if I didn't think there was any potential potential with this guy I wouldn't have made the joke. I do think it's possible that I might go out with him, someday, eventually, maybe, but I am absolutely not sure it will happen or that I will even want it to happen. A teeny tiny part of me is hoping that it might be true. Not that this guy will be my future husband, but that I will have a husband in the future.
One of my recent dates (the annoying environmental lawyer) told me that I didn't seem like I wanted to get married. It startled me a bit and I felt insulted. It was on our first (and only) date and I took his meaning to be that I didn't seem marriageable (isn't it crazy how the mind always goes to the negative interpretation?). When I told HP about this conversation she said, "He probably meant it in a good way--like you didn't seem desperate to get married. Like you were comfortable with your life." I said, "Well, I didn't want to marry him." Indeed. And I do have a good life. I suppose, at my age, I have to take a comment like that as a compliment. "Gee, you're 36 and you don't seem desperate to get married and have my babies immediately. How refreshing!" Goddammit. This is getting ridiculous.
Is it good or bad to seem like you don't want to get married? I can tell you this, MFH (my future husband) has no idea what I have in mind for him. The truth is, neither do I. I think that's the point. Sure I want to get married, but I'm not so desperate that I want to marry every guy I meet (Good Lord, can you imagine?) or that I conduct my dates like a job interview. Just think..."So tell me, how long do need to wait before getting married, one month? Two? Do you want kids? Would you mind raising them Jewish? No Jesus talk in the house, please. I want to have at least three kids--and we need to start trying as soon as possible. Ok, sounds good. Don't call me, I'll call you." (Note: joking! Really. Mostly. I don't know how many kids I want (at least one), I figure I would have to date someone about a year before deciding about marriage (but not for years, I don't have that much patience), Jewish yes, some Jesus is ok, but no pictures or crosses, please. I would never ask someone to convert. Oh, and, practice makes perfect, if you know what I mean, wink wink, nudge nudge.)
Grateful for: having absolutely no idea what I'm doing. It can be a good thing!