Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Easy does it

Today should be an easy day to write. I stayed home with a sore throat in the hope of fending off real sickness. We'll see if this strategy is successful. But, I was just thinking yesterday that one of the most boring things to read about is another person's illness. It's kind of like the horrible party small talk about parking and traffic. I am actually a big fan of small talk--sports, weather--I say yes. Parking, traffic--no, no, no. I don't own a car; I don't commute in a car. I rarely have to park or drive or do any of that. (I do often drive on the weekends, but it gives me absolutely no insight into rush hour issues.)

But, I'm home, sort of sick, today, and I haven't started writing until late-ish--nearly 6pm. I brought some work home with me from the office and I took care of that first. I also did my taxes. Damn. What is happening to me? I'm almost like a…grown-up. Scary.

Around 4:30 I decided to call Mark. I haven't initiated a call with him yet. I thought it would be a nice gesture and a good way to let him know I was actually interested. Since he doesn't work in a regular office, I figured it would be all right to call and it was. He was maybe a little surprised to hear from me. The conversation was easy and I'd almost forgotten why I'd called--which was to tell him that I was only free on Saturday and I needed to watch basketball. I asked if he'd be interested in doing that. He said he wasn't very invested in this Final Four (Gasp! Blasphemy!) and suggested that we could do something next week. My heart sunk a little. I thought, "He must not be that interested if he wants to wait until next week to get together."

Let's think about that. He rejects my suggestion for plans for a completely legitimate reason, but doesn't seem at all offended that I don't want to do what we'd discussed doing (going to see music). In fact, he'd already been actively planning our Saturday night. He immediately suggests doing something at the earliest opportunity--which would be next week because I'm busy Friday and he's busy Sunday. He even suggests going to see a movie during the week instead of music so it won't be such a late night.

My disappointment caused me to bring Friday back into play. I'm supposed to go swing dancing with CK on Friday. We've been meaning to go for weeks, but with funerals and basketball, it hasn't happened. I said I would check with my friend and see if we were still on. He said he had another plan for Friday, but it was totally optional (an alumni happy hour). The message: I would like to see you, but I have a life too.

My question, dear readers: do I ditch my friend CK so I can see Mark on Friday? I don't want to wait until next week to see him. I'm already getting antsy about this one (despite yesterday's relatively calm post). I want someone to tell me what to do. Insist that I wait or give me permission to cancel on CK. How lame would it be to cancel? CK and I haven't confirmed, and she sometimes cancels on me, so if she turned out not to be available then I can go with Mark. I should really decide what I want to do before I call her, though.

After talking to him, well, I still like him. I am not all full of butterflies, but I am getting anxious. Just a bit. Maybe it would be better to wait. Better to wait and reduce the chances of rushing things. Of forcing things. Oh, I'm so in danger of doing that. I don't want to do that. I don't even know if I like him that much. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Grateful for: having enough sense to know that I haven't been rejected--yet.

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