Sunday, March 06, 2005
I admit it. I'm a blogging junky. I'm hooked. If you been reading for a while (and I know who you are: KJ, HP, Noe, CN), you may have noticed all the fancy little extras I've added to the page. Links, a blogroll, counters, even a "creative commons license." So much fun! While I get a huge kick out of tweaking the page, trying to understand HTML, and making things look pretty (and failing), the real obsession boils down to two things: writing and readers. The fact that complete strangers have taken time to read my entries and leave comments is thrilling, exhilarating even. I have a hard time finding the words to express it. I have also been reading and commenting on a couple of other blogs, most of which I've included as links on the sidebar. A couple of them have really caught my fancy. I worry about my writing being boring, but these other blogs are so interesting. They are wonderful windows to people's interior worlds. Like a novel in installments, perhaps, but it's someone's life unfolding. It's also occured to me that part of the beauty of blogging is the instant (or close to instant) gratfication it provides. One gets feedback on one's thoughts, one's words, one's actions. It's almost like you care. This does lead to a dilemma. Since writing the blog has become a true hobby, something I spend time on every day, and something I spend time thinking about with an alarming frequency--who can I tell about it? Many of you who read this are friends who I've invited, some of you have found me because I linked to your site. Some of you are friends of friends. Some maybe just stumbled here randomly. I have come to the conclusion that I cannot discuss or even mention this blog to my dates. It would be too much of a tease, too tempting. It would lead to a restaining kind of self-censorship. Oh, but it just kills me. I hate keeping secrets. I want to share with everyone all the things that are going on with me--I want to tell them about this wonderful new thing I've discovered. I think, though, that there is really no question about what to do. I have said some rather unkind things here about some of my dates, things I would never say to their faces. I have revealed my feelings, my inner thoughts that I might never tell a boyfriend--all the doubts that I would never share. The potential harm is much greater than the satisfaction I would gain by not having to keep a secret. I am resolved, then, not to tell dates. Not to mention the blog at all. If my cover gets blown by one of the dates, well, I'll just deal with it. WB update: he called me on Saturday afternoon and we had an interesting talk. It was easier than seeing him in person. He also remarked on that. He is a bit of a lost soul. There is a certain amount of attraction there, but not quite enough click. Enough good that I wouldn't mind seeing him again, but not enough that I can't wait. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if we didn't see each other again. Grateful for: blogging, of course!