Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Be nice

The comments have it! Don’t ditch friends for "some guy." Duh--so obvious! HP told me the same thing, "You'd give me a good talking to if I did that to you. Then you'd forgive me." Yes, I would forgive her, but I would not be pleased. CK is super easy going and would certainly forgive me and perhaps even be happy for me, but that is not the point. HP would probably not even complain! I shouldn't do that to CK and I shouldn't do that to me. If CK cancels on me, that's a whole different ballgame. But, until I hear otherwise, I'm keeping my plans with her.

It is not generally my practice to cancel plans for a guy, but I do have a habit of clearing my schedule for a guy. I think that is called, "waiting to make my own plans." I need to never, ever do that again. Luckily, I should get a call from Mark sometime this week and we'll make plans for next week, so he'll be the first one on my schedule and I can fill in around him. That is a less anxiety-provoking scenario.

It does kill me a little to have to wait, but that's what it means to be a grown-up. Living with delayed gratification. Lord knows that after all those years in grad school I should be able to live with it. But, I don't like it.

I also talked HP a bit about the ease of things with Mark being a problem. HP reassured me that easy is what it's all about. Easy is the most important thing. It should be easy in the beginning. She said, "It won't blind you to things." I think she's right. It's just, as I start inching closer to something (I'm not even inching at this point, I'm millimetering), I often lose perspective. I can't tell what I can't tell. That's what's scary. Getting along really well with a guy right off, having great conversations with him, and not worrying about whether or not he's going to call--that is the opposite of scary. Duh.

Real time update: heard from CK. She is still planning on Friday (though it's clear I could have weasled out of it). I will go dancing on Friday. However, my plans for tonight were just canceled (horrible condo meeting--am I sad? NO.) I could see if he's free tonight. No, no, no, that's just crazy talk. But, how do I let him know that Friday is not on? I don't have his email--really wish I did! Seems like maybe I should just wait for him to call. Oh, geez. Now I'm thinking again. Gotta stop that. Stop it.

Grateful for: not being really, really stupid.

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