Wednesday, February 16, 2005

How not to date

Do not start IMing with a guy who is scared by the pictures with kids (nieces) in your profile.

Do not keep IMing with him after he does any of the following:
  • makes it clear that he is interested in "play" (not the hopscotch type)
  • states that you have the kind of figure he likes
  • guesses you live in Cleveland Park
  • guesses you live in Dupont
  • thinks it's sweet that you don't know what "play" means in this context
  • doesn't like that you are shy
  • asks you out for drinks that evening
Do not agree to meet him for drinks.

Do not plan to get schnockered.

Do not go out with only $20 and change in your wallet (still haven't gotten the damn replacement ATM card I ordered over a month ago).

Do not actually get schnockered after one drink and smoking one cigarillo (it was a Manhattan and I did not inhale).

Do not let him order food after he notices you are schnockered.

Do not let him pay.

Do not tell him he could probably take advantage of you and then refuse to be taken advantage of.

All in all, it was a pleasant evening. I'm not sure why I went. He kept telling me he was bad and I just refused to believe him. I did believe that he didn't want to be my (or anyone's) boyfriend. I did believe that he wanted to have some kind of physical encounter. I just didn't believe he was bad. He was quite nice, funny, smart, cute, etc. And terribly honest. And quite articulate. (He may even be reading this, so I'll stop saying so many nice things.) No, Mr. Bad Boy (BB) just wasn't all that bad. That's probably not fair. If I'd been open to it, I'm sure he would have been very bad. I was busy throwing out my usual array of mixed signals and he wasn't going to go ahead until he got a clear signal. A clear, green signal. Hey, if you're only interested in "one thing" (which wasn't true anyway) then that is the way to be. I got to hand it to you, BB, way to be. Way to be honest, not aggressive, but totally there. Very cool actually.

When I first saw him, he looked just like his picture. Our bar time was nice, though found myself drifting a little. Not because he was boring, but more because I was wondering about myself. I was also interested in what was going on around us, and BB agreed that there were some curious people in that bar. I know we were interesting too because it's really easy to spot a first date, and even easier to spot a blind date, but most of the other people there were not "people watching" and so probably didn't notice us. I bet we seemed like we were having a good time--because we were having a good time. I took a good look at him and asked myself if I would like to kiss him. I thought, "I wouldn't mind at all." So, I took him home. He almost said goodnight right in the bar, sensing that I wasn't into it. Then he invited me to his place. But we went to my place because I insisted. There is the cat who needs to be fed after all. But, that's not really why. I like being on my home turf. We got there with no trouble, though BB wanted to hold hands in the cab, which just made me giggle uncontrollably. Ah, the giggling. It always happens. I used to think it meant I liked the guy, but now I think it's just nerves. Well, bringing a complete stranger home with the acknowledged intention of "play" is certainly enough to make me nervous.

We got to my place. He asked for the tour and got it. I fed the cat and puttered a bit. He looked at my books. I finally sat on the couch. He sat next to me. The cat sat on his coat. That was hilarious. He had a leather jacket and she just rolled all over it, laid on her back and looked at us, then started grooming. He grabbed my hand and tried to pull me close. When that didn't work, he moved closer and started kissing my neck. It felt great, but sent me into uncontrollable giggles. BB claimed not to mind and said he would just stick with it until I stopped laughing. I said it could go on for a long time. I didn't stop laughing, but he did stop kissing. So there. We chatted some more. I had no illusions about this guy and I wasn't thinking romantic things, but I couldn't quite get into the spirit of the evening. He was so not pushy. It was really refreshing. But I'm really, really bad at the aggression thing. If anything was going to happen, he had to be more aggressive, but that wasn’t his style. (I'm not talking about sex here, and BB understood that. I couldn't work myself up to even make-out with the guy.) Anyway, he finally gave up and got himself ready to go. I walked him to the door. I apologized. I said it wasn’t him, I just needed more time to warm up. He hugged me and kissed me on the mouth. Ah, a good kisser. I said, “Maybe you should go.” And he did.

I have no idea what to be grateful for, but I’m sure it’s in there somewhere. Can you believe I’m happy to be dating again? I think I might actually be starting to like it.

P.S. I did email the “I suck at calling” guy. He wrote back and we’re now having a pleasant email exchange. I’ll let you know if it goes anywhere.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Jamy Jamy, I think you need someone to guido for you on these dates. Or at least interpret beforehand. :) Isn't it always interesting, the ones (male/female) who know what they want but think they don't want more?


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