Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Blue Tuesday

You know, some days you just wake up feeling low. That was me today. I didn’t even want to open my eyes. I have been tired and discouraged all day. No reason. Nothing bad has happened. I don’t want to smile, or talk or think about anything. I want to go home, hop in the bed and read something good and engaging. Maybe the cat will let me pet her. She actually jumped in my lap the other day and stayed there for a good long while—actual minutes. It’s nice when she does that. I was a little stiff and sore from the yard work when I woke up and I had a headache. I managed to get some work done, but not as much as I should have. On the up side, I enjoyed the work. Then I made the mistake of reading an article about how we are losing the war in Iraq and even though I’ve been 100% against the war from the beginning it made me sick to see just how badly we are screwing things up there.

And, I have too much work to do this week. The only semi-interesting project will suffer. Enormous, long, boring things to be read. A big meeting to worry about on Friday. And, at home, I have to do my Spanish homework, go shopping and continue prepping for the party. Damn party. I’m not looking forward to at all right now. Not even the prospect of seeing MS cheers me up. I get too much stress over these things. I know what do on the day of the party: start drinking early; but what do I do five days before the party? I guess, make lists, drink lightly and try not to worry about. It really is much ado about nothing. I will enjoy seeing whoever ends up coming. I will be a little nervous, because I always am, but I must find some way to enjoy myself. See, that’s why I wanted a big party. I like the chaos of a big party so much that I would even enjoy my own big party. But, there has to be a better way to think about it, to approach it. See above: have a good time talking to whoever shows up. Enjoy the prep. Making lists is ok. Some friends will come early to help with set up, which is always fun. Cute boy will undoubtedly be there and that will be good, right? Right.

Right. I’m grateful for finding something interesting about work and being sure that tomorrow will be better than today.

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