Monday, January 10, 2005

How to date

After I left MrF on Sunday, I went to the public library to see if I could get a copy of the next book we’re reading, Bee Season. Lucky for me there were several copies and I picked one up. I was browsing around when a little book that shouldn’t have been in that section caught my eye. The name of the book was, How Not to Stay Single. This is the topic of the moment and I couldn’t resist. First, there is nothing, or very little, new to me in this book. However, I found it a compelling read and I almost finished it right there and then. There are exercises in the book, which I chose to ignore, but I came away with a couple of bits of useful advice:
  1. Smile and say hello to 50 people a week.
    This is ridiculously difficult to do, but I really love it. The point is to make yourself more approachable and to get into situations where there are people to smile at. Meetings, elevators, coffee shops all work. Smiles at women count too. I am amused by my tendency to smile and say hello to homeless people. It doesn’t matter—all of them count!

  2. Break off all dead-end relationships.
    The author writes that in order to find a relationship, one has to be available. Really available, not just on paper. I recently broke up with someone (ok, ok, he broke up with me). I wanted to stay friends with him (it was his idea), but I knew it was a bad idea. My plan was to try and see how it went. No more. Now my plan is to (someday soon) delete his numbers from my cell phone and not email him anymore. I can’t be friends with him, because I would want more and it would keep me in a dead-end relationship. I’m done with him and I am available.

  3. Wait to have sex.
    This isn’t new or even particularly hard for me, but I have been known to rush things. The author recommends waiting at least eight dates before having sex. (She does say if you know you don’t want a relationship with the guy, go ahead and have sex, what does she care? So funny.) The point is to keep the emotional intimacy and the physical intimacy at the same level. Give yourself a chance to get to know the person and find out if you really like them enough to have sex. If you’re trying to form a long-term relationship, it makes a lot of sense.


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