Ethan called a few days ago, I didn’t answer. I’m so ambivalent. Do I give myself a chance to like him more? I think friendship is unrealistic. I think he is a good man and there were moments, at the end of our second date, where our conversation caught fire. Yet, my first instinct on seeing his call was, please leave me alone. That doesn’t sound like the best start, does it?
He hasn't called again. I feel…well, nothing much. Very slightly guilty. Sigh. But there is no reason to feel bad. I think he is just not for me. It's like, we're not really at the same place in our lives. I do like to go out to the fancy dinner and all that, but I like slumming a bit more too, seeing a band, grabbing a beer, getting take-out, being very casual. It's probably silly to reject him on those grounds since I haven't found out the variety of things that he likes. Maybe this is it: I'm not quite at ease around him. No point forcing things. I have to let it go and not feel bad.