I realize that I was too limiting when I said boredom or drama were my two dating choices. After going out with Jake, I realize that I left out the third and too seldom exercised option: calm contentment. Some really nice boyfriends of mine (most of whom, unfortunately, I didn’t love) had this quality (when I wasn’t picking fights with them): 1st Greg, Seattle Doug, Brad, even Stupid Greg. The main fear I have with Jake is that he isn’t bright enough for me. Now, maybe this is a non-issue since he’s certainly far from stupid. I don’t need all of that alluring (and distracting) banter. I need someone with whom I’m at ease, who brings out my better nature, not my bicker nature. I want someone who inspires me to treat him well without even having to think about it. I’m a much happier person when I’m being nice to those around me. It’s just easier with some people than with others. Of course, I misbehave around my good, close friends from time-to-time, but certainly nothing like all the time. Heather has managed to forgive me my moodiness on our various long driving trips, when close proximity to a good friend started to drive me batty (would close proximity to a stranger have been better? Seems unlikely.). I have issues with close proximity that have very little to do with the other person.
I am grateful for the patience of my close friends and relatives who continue to like me after being subjected to my unprovoked grumpiness from time to time.
See, I need more of these calm, accepting, loving, fun and happy people in my life. I need no more of the antic, manic, possibly brilliant, but more likely crazy, people. I find those types hard to resist, but I’m getting better at recognizing them and at recognizing that they are not good for me. This is the struggle. I know I can be happy with the other type, the neither boring nor dramatic type, I just have to let myself.
A little PS. Today I was starting to feel pretty smug and satisfied that MrF was out of my life for good. I thought, my very clear and only friendly intentions put him off and he’s moved on to other, greener, pastures. Unfortunately, no such luck, as I got another completely oblivious email from him today reassuring me that he is buying the next book, bringing a friend to the next meeting and might have time for a movie next week. Oh dear. I supposed another cowardly non-response is required here as well. Or is more direct discouragement required? Suggestions appreciated.