Too much

Too much knitting! In my knitting, I seem to hit a kind of critical mass when I have many projects going or planned. My head starts buzzing and I get a little hyper thinking about all the projects. That's when I know it's time to slow down, finish a few things and not add anything new to the list for a while. It's when the need for completion overwhelms the need for process.

The current list breaks down something like this...

On the needles:

1. Black cotton/wool/elastic lace socks (me)
2. Black wool/poly lace socks (me)
3. Sock yarn scarf/mini-shawl (me)
4. Lace-weight scarf (young niece)
5. Black & white alpaca scarf (me)
6. Plain black scarf (me)

Also, yes, I need that many scarves. #6 is to replace my current favorite long black (machine made) scarf that is full of moth holes.

Numbers 1 & 2 have been hanging around for a while. Socks with a lace pattern in black require a certain amount of care and attention and I haven't had the focus for them. Both are knit toe-up and I'm past the heel turn on both, so they will get finished eventually.

Number 4 combines special bought yarn with yarn on hand so it's a semi-stash buster. Because I'm knitting a scarf out of delicate yarn, it will take forever. Because my niece is still under five feet tall, I don't have to make it super long. Then again, if she really likes it and wants to wear it for years to come, I should aim for at least five and a half feet. At least it's a very simple design so fairly mindless knitting--at least as mindless as you can get with yarn this fine.

Number 5 is knit with yarn left over from a baby blanket (for niece #3). I had quite a lot of this stuff and on a whim, I knit it up very quickly into a garter stitch scarf. I have a whole ball left, which may or may not be enough for a hat. Or gloves. Or something. I will match! Technically, it's on the needles, but it's actually done, unless I decide to ditch the hat idea and make it longer. Or, if I do mitts, I'll have extra, and I could use the rest of it to make the scarf longer. It's pretty loud, so would a hat be too much? I dunno.

Planned:

1. Beret-style hat (Katie or me. If I really like it, I'll make another one for Katie.)
2. Hat with bear ears (Tomo)
3. Tam-style hat in black & white (me, see above)
4. Short-sleeve sweater (me)
5. Fingerless mitts (sister-in-law)
6. Half-finger gloves (nephew)
7. Baby blanket (soon-to-be married niece, can wait for a while)
8. Half-finger gloves (JenA)

I have the yarn for all of these projects--and more that I haven't listed. The excess (not listed) yarn will eventually yield: two pairs of socks, a bunch of baby stuff, a few hats and (potentially) several pairs of gloves. None of that is high on my list, so no need to even enter the planning stage. But how do I approach all this knitting without making myself crazy?

Because I'll be going to Israel in late October for a wedding, I will aim for the niece scarf, nephew gloves and sister-in-law gloves to be done by then. The scarf is the challenge, but that's why I already started it. The socks and black scarf will stay on hold. The lace scarf/shawl is halfway done, so I'll keep working on it. The next things to start will be the gloves for nephew and sis-in-law. Both will be relatively fast, since gloves are small and only the half-fingers are difficult. For my SIL, no fingers--executive decision. For my nephew, he requested something quite complicated, stripes, elbow-length, flip-top and a pocket! But he's five, so they will still be fast due to his relatively small size.

As soon as I'm moving forward with those, I think I'll start the black and white hat--so I can have a matching hat and scarf this winter! The rest, I don't know, I'll sort it out later. I apologize for the boring nature of this post, but I have to say, it's really helpful for me to see it all written down and semi-categorized.

Oh, and you say you'd like to hear about my second date with the guy on Saturday? Well, it was pretty much a disaster. Somehow, I seem to get along worse with people who think they are super left-wing but are actually a bit to my right politically than with the more truly conservative. Their pallid liberalism (non-classical variety) is disheartening to me. Along with this guy's dissing of my neighborhood, I'd say we had a bust. No, really, he dissed the commercial street nearest to where I live for the flaw of being overrun with hipsters. I tell you, my neighborhood is JUST starting to emerge as a nightlife destination after, oh, about 50 years of neglect. Today the street is still dominated by empty store fronts, carry-out restaurants and check-cashing places. Yes, we do have more hipsters and I say, THANK YOU hipsters. We need more of you. When he started on this line, I said, "I'm sorry my neighborhood offends you." He paused and then kept right on with the justifying. Sigh. Haven't heard from him since and, while I admit that I could have been a LOT nicer on our date, and if I wanted things to go forward a very mild apology (probably deserved) would do it. I was mildly argumentative, like when I questioned his statement that reason "millennials" were spoiled and peevish is that they weren't beaten as children. I know! Hilarious! Not. So, I could say, "Hey, sorry about the other night. Let's try again." But I don't wanna. So, I won't.

It's ok, more time for knitting.

Grateful for: lots of yarn.

PS My weekend was actually quite pleasant because I hosed a couple of lovely young women from Slovakia. They stayed two nights and were wonderful house guests. Their second night, they cooked me an authentic Slovakian meal--after earlier treating me to lunch and a beer. Very nice. I may go visit them on the way to Israel...we'll see!

Diffuse

The whole Mom-wants-to-go-to-Israel thing came to a head much sooner than I expected when I received a short email from her today, part of which read, "Given your reluctance to discuss travel together, I will see about making my own plans. I don't need any unnecessary rejections at this time."

Ouch and OY. Oh Mom, I do love you, but why are you so crazy? I emailed what turned out to be a satisfactory explanation, namely that I already feel pulled in several directions on my Israel visits and one more direction was going to make me feel even more unhappy due to my inability to meet everyone's expectations.

She was receptive to that explanation, and my proposals of some alternate trips, though she'd still like to meet me in Egypt or Turkey for the before or after possible vacation part of my trip . So, no vacation for me! Hello meeting other people's expectations. Still, that's ok, it's what needs to happen, I suppose, and since the idea of a relaxed vacation is still kind of foreign to me, let's go with it. (I mean, I spent much of my time in Paris completely relaxed and doing practically nothing except knitting and watching tv, so I've had that...and I will need some of it again someday. Maybe a three-day weekend of nothing near home would be a good idea.)

Anyway, Mom wrote in her friendlier message, "I do realize you try to please your demanding family. Why I am not sure, but that is another story. I have no interest in competing for your attention during the wedding event."

This raises some questions for me:

1. Is she part of the demanding family or is that everyone else?
2. Does she really not know why?

Even though it's "another story" I did address it a bit in my next email. Basically, I said that I know that everyone's happiness is not dependent on mine (natch), but that I feel like it is, a bit, especially when I feel like everyone wants a piece of me. I also said I felt vain writing that. I don't know WHY everyone wants a piece of me. What is so great about me? I am grateful, though, that they love me and like me enough to want me around. Given that, I cannot help but try and make myself available. This leads me to trying to make people happy, get along and not fight. This was my role as a little kid when my parents were fighting all the time and it's not surprising that it's the position I get in with family. It's completely impossible.

(Aside: I found the way I worked for Pele's shower completely satisfying. I was needed, they leaned on me and I loved that. I wanted that. I didn't need to have fun at the party, I needed to be part of the family. Obligation makes me feel included.)

I suspect Mom won't come on this trip in the end, since she's not much of a traveler and I haven't been terribly receptive. If she doesn't, I'll make an effort to go on some other adventure with her in the not too distant future.


On a completely different topic, I was thinking about my date on Monday and the many stories I told. The theme of many of these stories was me losing my cool. Now, I don't think of myself as a particularly collected person, but true anger is fairly rare. Yet I told him at least two stories about incidents that made me very angry, one about a boyfriend (ancient history) and another about work (relatively recent). I also told a couple more trivial frustration stories as well as some non-angry stories, but still, what was I thinking?

I've often realized in retrospect that the stories I tell on a date are directly related to my state of mind. Because I'm nervous, words pour out of me, and I don't think so carefully about what I'm saying. I do try and craft the stories themselves well. It's all about the presentation.

I have to think that these stories were a kind of cautionary tale. "Be careful, I'm not as nice as I appear," perhaps. Possibly, "don't cross me, you'll pay." Or, more likely, "don't get too close to me, you don't realize what you're signing up for." (Oh, and "by the way, my heart is not exactly available, so you may not want to bother--and see, here are a bunch of angry reasons to avoid me!") I feel like the last one (or the parenthetical?) is true. I would like to keep a healthy emotional distance between me and anyone except my dearest friends. I was pretty comfortable around this guy, for whatever reason, and I want to see him again. I just don't want to think it's something it's not. I don't want to think at all. I don't want worry and I don't want to keep track of whose turn it is to call or what impression I've made. So, I've decided I don't want anything. If you tell me otherwise, you risk my wrath.

Grateful for: walking weather! A nice long walk home is a good time to relax.

Blogging time: 30 minutes.

Wedding bells

Yesterday, I found out that my niece is engaged and will get married, in Israel, on November 1. (For those of you just tuning in, I have two older brothers, one of whom is an ultra-orthodox Jew and lives in Jerusalem. He has five kids and they get married promptly around age 19-21. I've been to three weddings so far.)

I am planning to go. Ironically? Perversely? I got a summons to jury duty last night, for a special trial in US District Court that will last for eight weeks, starting October 12. I have to ask to be excused. I hope they will excuse me before I buy my plane tickets...though the materials said that I needed to show plane tickets/ reciepts as part of the request for exemption. I am sort of bummed, since I like jury duty. I was on an eight week trial a few years ago and it was fascinating (and terribly dull at times). I'd happily do it again, but the timing is bad. The trip to Israel isn't optional--I promised my niece and I am expected to be there.

In other trip worries, Mom wants to meet me there. I just...I just don't want this. I was vague about it because I'm afraid a firm no will hurt her feelings. The problem is that I'm already torn when I go to Israel. I have a lot of family demands--Dad, Israeli family, all the wedding stuff. It can be stressful. Then I have Spesh, who also wants to see me. He is easier to deal with and I want to give him a fair amount of my time (especially since that's usually more fun than the family time). I already have two things pulling me, add Mom in and it will just be too much. I don't want to deal with her needs, ETC. So, sigh, what will I do about that?

Next, I've been thinking that I want to combine the Israel trip with another more vacation-like trip.  At first I was thinking Egypt or Jordon. I need someone to travel with me to those places and I don't know if that will happen. The other option would be a three legged trip, with a few days on the front or back end in London, Paris or somewhere else. London is tops, since I could see Alicia. Paris is second, because, well, it's Paris and I haven't been back since I lived there and it would be like a mini-homecoming.  The airfares are pretty high now, but it's only an extra $300 or so to include Paris or London. Totally worth it, I think, though late October isn't the best time, weather wise, to visit. I think I'd have a great time: I would wear all my wool clothing, hand knit or otherwise and be plenty warm and dry.

I wish I didn't have to make all these decisions so fast, but maybe that's for the best. Round my plan up in a few days, deal with Mom, talk to Dad, buy some tickets and forget about it for the next two months. That seems like a good idea.

Grateful for: a potential vacation.

A date

I fell off the blogging wagon but not for lack of wanting to write. It's funny how easy I can get knocked out of the routine. I thought about adding some post-dated entries, but, eh, why bother with that mess? I'll just give myself more than the allotted 15 minutes if I need it.

On Friday, I'd actually sketched out a few ideas for a post, but Diego came by to see me (he's not working here anymore, but doing work for us, and was in the building for a meeting). We went down for a coffee, but the cafe was closed, so we just sat and talked...for two hours! I think I miss talking to my friends more often. (I'd just gone out with Pele on Wednesday night, and we sat talking in the car after dinner for at least two hours.)  Anyway, I walked home after that and didn't write.

On Friday, I worked at home, interspersing work with prep for Pele's baby shower on Saturday. I got everything done by Friday night, except for picking up a few more vegetables at the farmer's market on Saturday morning. On Saturday, I shucked the corn and packed everything up to take to her place. It was a lot of work, and a fair amount of worrying about having enough food, but it worked out well. I'd say we had a lot of leftovers but not an amount so excessive that Pele and family wouldn't be able to eat most of them, and that's the desired outcome. Just a little bit too much food.

That shower business was kind of crazy because, except for the cake, some cookies, beer, wine and a (delicious) cheese plate, I provided all of the food. Meaning, since this was a cookout: burgers, sausages, hot dogs, buns, condiments, crudite, three kinds of dip, chips, two baguettes, tiny potatoes (for grilling) and corn. I also got some cheese, for the burgers, but left it at home. Maybe it wasn't too crazy but it felt like a lot of work, especially since, in the end, I had the primary grilling responsibility. Hey, I know my way around a grill, and sweaty though it was, I was happy to do it.

After that, I met Diego (again!) to see "Xanadu," a film that I'd deliberately missed up until then. What utter nonsense! Still, a few amusing moments and hearing Diego say, "I used to like that movie. It's kind of embarrassing." were well worth it.

Sunday, I was a bum. Ok, I did a bit of knitting and mopped the kitchen floor (and made corn pancakes with some of the leftover corn on the cob). Mostly, I hung around the house, feeling exhausted, and dropping off to sleep unexpectedly on the sofa while trying to be entertained by mindless tv.

I was also in date negotiations with an internet guy, and he tried to get me to meet him on Sunday night, but I was too tired to commit. Instead, we went out last night (Monday).

Way to bury the lede! Yes, I actually went on a date. A real, live date, that I moderately looked forward to and and that didn't end in disaster.  In fact, he asked me out again. I said yes, but wouldn't commit to a day. I have some couchsurfing guests this weekend and I feel the need to protect my alone time. What I don't particularly feel the need for is a boyfriend. And this fellow, he is boyfriend material. Maybe not for me...but for some nice girl. And I...well, no matter why kind of craziness I get up to, no matter how hard I try to shake it, will probably still be perceived as a "nice girl" until I'm on my deathbed. All this to say, I don't think I'm actually in the market for a boyfriend. I mean, who knows, maybe this fellow will grow on me, and we'll get together and good things will happen. Or maybe, that's what he'll want and I'll have to gently send him away. Or maybe, he just isn't interested and I'm thinking too much. (Definitely the last one!)

I know I need to reach out to him since I was vague about future plans and he asked at least twice:
1) "Did you have fun? Do you want to do this again?" Yes, I said.
2) "What do you have going on this weekend? Do you have any free time." I'm not sure, I said.

So, there you go, an actual prospect. He is cute, attractive..wavy dark hair and kind eyes, nice full lips, and sort of cuddly. Does that sound bad? I actually really like his looks and would have been all over him except that he might've gotten the wrong impression. Plus, natural shyness keeps me from being too forward on a first date, unless extreme amounts of alcohol or foreign travels are involved. Silly me! Maybe I'll write him tomorrow. I can play a little hard to get, right?

Grateful for: not being totally hopeless.

Time: 25 minutes.

All wet

Today, I had an early (for me) doctor's appointment. Do you think 8:20 is early?  I showed up, about 10 minutes late, nervous that I'd get in trouble. As it turns out, my doctor wasn't even there.  He had a basement flooding problem, which is unfortunate and not shocking because it was raining to beat the band this morning and has continued on and off all day.

They said to come back at 10am. Annoying, that was, because it didn't really give me enough time to go to the office. I asked if they could call me, but no, they couldn't. And they discouraged me from calling them. Heck, why not just sit in the waiting room for an hour and a half and see what happened? Yeesh.

I ended up walking to a near-ish coffee shop where I ate some breakfast and read my magazine for about an hour. Then I went back to the doctor's office. I still beat him there but I only had to wait another 10 minutes before he saw me.

The doctor is a specialist, one of those who likes to examine my blood. The good news is that I can stop taking the medication he prescribed to treat what turns out to be a non-condition. I seriously hated taking this medication, since the pills were the proverbial "bitter" ones. They were literally BITTER. If I took one before eating, my food would taste "off." The best time to take one was right before I brushed my teeth, but I had to take them 3x a day for a while, so that didn't really work. Anyway, at least for now, I don't have to take them at all and I am delighted and relieved. (Sorry to be coy about my "condition" but needless to say, it was never serious and now it doesn't even exist, so yay!)

In the end, I was only about an hour late for work, and it's still a slow, quiet time around here, which is great. As a sign of how many people are gone, I just sent a big old mass email and got five "vacation" messages in return. That's an all time high! No one is here and I like it.

Have you noticed that of the very few comments I'm getting about 50% are spam? No, you're probably not reading the comments. I don't blame you. Oh, someone said the sweater pics showed *me* off nicely, as well as the sweater. I would like to thank you for that comment but point out that they were strategically edited and perhaps showed me looking not quite as I would appear in real life. Floating torso pics certainly have a tendency to distort one's actual shape.

Ah, in dating news! There is no actual dating news, but I got an interesting email via my active but rarely checked free online dating account. This fellow and I have been emailing back and forth for a few days and will make plans as soon as our schedules calm down. I'm enjoying our one email per day pace. That feels about right and it's what I have time for.  We seem to be living in parallel universes since we both spent most of Sunday in the same neighborhood doing almost the same things. I've noticed that it feels more "right" getting together with a stranger when you can decide you would have eventually met anyway, so I'll cautiously call this a good start and hope that it doesn't completely fall apart when we eventually meet. Or should I say if? I will try and stop counting those chickens, but I'm afraid it's a habit that dies hard. Instead, I'll be aware of what I'm doing and just persist anyway because hope is good. Where would we be without hope?

Grateful for: hope.

15 minutes

Today, I literally have 15 minutes to write. I promised myself I'd leave the office at a specific time. If I don't, I'll be late to meet people. I tell you, I am a champion dawdler. It's ridiculous. I got up this morning a little before 7am. But I didn't leave the house until 8:50. I don't have any reason for this. I never "do" my hair. If all goes well, I brush it. I don't have a "beauty regime."

This is the morning routine:
Out of bed.
Feed the cat.
Floss, brush teeth.
When appropriate, shower, may include shaving legs, washing hair.
Wash face.
Apply moisturizer to face.
Brush hair.
Constrain hair with clip or rubber band.
Apply sunscreen to other exposed skin (upper chest, maybe arms).
Deodorant, perfume.

Apparently, this is a seriously minimal routine. Maybe takes half an hour when I shower.

Sometimes I do a little 5 minute exercise routine.

Then I pick out my clothing and dress. Tedious, but it doesn't take too much time. I could easily be out of the house in 45 minutes. An hour if I ate some breakfast.

But, no, it takes almost two hours to leave the house. Why? I'm reading blogs. Seriously! I am reading blogs all morning. It starts in the bed, via iPhone. Continues when I get to the computer. I also read and answer emails. Check the bank statement. Download stuff. Whatever. It's all just puttering because I don't really want to leave the house, especially when there's nothing pressing at the office.

The office isn't so bad this week. Last week, my supervisor was on vacation. This week, she's in training every day. It's like a two week vacation for me. I got a few things done today, which felt good. Little things, but every little bit counts.

You know, when I came back from France, it was with one particular project in mind. I thought that I would finish that project and then maybe I would leave this job (and go back to England and be with Kent). But, I haven't touched that project in months. I never really got started with it. It wasn't ready for me when I got back and working on it properly would leave zero time for anything else. All the other work is so much more interesting. Problem is, that old project is looming over me and while it's still there, I should always be busy. Maybe I really do need to start coming in on the weekends and just get it DONE.

Anyway, wow, I have to say, I can write a surprisingly large number of words in a mere 13 minutes. I'll leave off and save the last two for proof reading. Cheers.

Grateful for: interesting work.

Tired

On Saturday, I attended a party mere blocks from my front door. Lovely! The party was fine, though everyone was a lot younger than me (fine), mostly in couples (ok), and somehow not super interesting (probably my fault for not trying harder). Still, I had a decent time, talked to a few new people, told a few stories and certainly was reasonably social and engaged. Yes, I can still go to a party and mingle. Do I want to as much as I used to? Apparently not.

Anyway, the best story about the evening doesn't involve the party except in a tangential way.  On my way over, I stopped at liquor store to pick up a six. A man, in my general age range (though younger), was at the counter and paying for a bottle of liquor. I walked out soon after he did and almost bumped into him when he stopped to send a text message. He apologized for blocking the sidewalk and I made a joke about the dangers of texting and walking.

Soon, I was at the gate of my friend's building--you need to dial up and get buzzed in. Just as my friend answered, my liquor store/sidewalk/text buddy showed up. He said, "Hi!  I know you." and opened the gate for me, while asking me to hold the carry bag with his liquor (yes, it was odd, but one of his fingers was in a little splint, so I think that's why he needed help).

I hadn't been to the building complex before, so I asked for directions and my new friend, Brad, walked me to the right building. We chatted along the way and Brad said he was having a little party in his apartment too.

Brad also said something like, "Which building is your boyfriend in?" I said, "Well, if he were my boyfriend, I would probably know where to go." Brad laughed and said, "Yeah, that's probably true." We got on the elevator together and when  we got to Brad's floor, he leaned in close and half whispered, "It's Brad, in 620, if you want to come by." I could smell the liquor on his breath. I didn't say anything and he exited the elevator. I was highly amused.

I am sorry to report that I did not stop by.

On Sunday, I got up early-ish to go meet my friend Alicia, who was visiting from London for work. We spent the whole day together, including lunch and a movie with C-money. It was delightful. I talked her ear off and she is so good and sympathetic as a listener that I may have taken a little advantage. Still, I hope she didn't mind. Sometimes there is really nothing better than seeing an old friend and pouring your heart out. Introducing two old friends is quite a rare and fun thing too. Alicia kept asking when I'd be visiting her and I didn't have an answer. She said that C-money and I should come together, which is highly unlikely, but would be a jolly good time. I think the only time we've traveled together was an ill-conceived overnight drive to Iowa with Spesh for a wedding. Well, we didn't fight then, so who knows how a trip to Europe would go?

I am feeling the need to go somewhere sometime but I'm waiting until I have an urge towards a specific place to make my plans. Just found out that niece number three got engaged, which means a trip to Israel is happening relatively soon--maybe November or December? I suppose I could combine it with London (though, bad time of year for that)...and see if C-money wants to come along and see Spesh? Not the worst idea ever. We'll see.

Grateful for: international friends.

Let me tell you a little about this weekend...it's busy. First, on Friday, Katie asked me to a party. Sounded like fun and it was sort of in my neighborhood, so I gladly accepted the invitation. We made plans to have dinner first. It was a good evening, though the food was slow in coming and by the time we left, the noise level was so high that we couldn't hear each other. The only unfortunate part of the evening was that Katie's contact/eye was bothering her, she had to take the lens out and then go home to replace it. I managed to leave my wallet at work and had to go to the office to retrieve it.  After the dinner that was served so slowly and our various to-ing and fro-ing, we never did make it to the party. No great loss, I suspect. Not that I ever object to a party.

Today, I did some shopping and made and froze 20 hamburger (5 lbs) and 8 turkey (2 lbs) patties for Pele's baby shower next weekend. I also bought other food for the shower and will have to buy and make (brownies, dip) still more by the end of the week. (Yes, I volunteered. Yes, I am complaining a little. But look at me go!) I sure hope I have enough meat--or that I don't have too much? (About 20 guests are expected--any advice on whether I need more meat is appreciated. I'm also getting about five pounds of hot dogs/sausages. That's just a heck of a lot of meat. 27 pounds? That has to be too much.)

Tonight, a friend is having a get together. Awesome, because I can walk there in about 5 minutes. And, I don't really know any of this friend's friends, so it could be very interesting.

Tomorrow, Alicia, friend from England (previously college), is in town and we're spending a lot of the day together. Haven't seen her since I've been back from France. Last time I saw her was at her house, with Kent, over Christmas 2008. Sigh.

Then I have plans straight through to Wednesday. And, actually, to the end of the week, since I have to go grocery shopping on Thursday (or Friday) and do some cooking on Friday. Maybe I can do some of the cooking on Saturday morning, but I've found it's wise to do as much ahead of time as possible in case there's something you've forgotten about...then you still have some last minute open time to take care of it.  Hmm...normally I work at home on Monday. Maybe I can swap with Friday this week. A mid-day trip to the store will be a lot less hassle than driving around on Thursday or Friday night.

I cannot believe I'm using this blog to puzzle out my time management. Presumably, when something interesting is happening, I will share.

Oh, here's something that I think is interesting--the sweater I recently finished knitting has been getting a TON of view on ravelry, the site many knitters and crocheters use to catalog their projects. It's really exciting for me to get so many views, comments and have people "favorite" the sweater. Now, I'm going to put a couple pics of it here. They are with my head chopped off, which is creepy, but you can see the sweater pretty well, which is the point.

Grateful for: sweater love.

Scenario

Well, that's what I get for laying out scenarios. Last night, I was supposed to meet this fellow after work. I sent him an email an hour or so ahead of time to confirm. I didn't hear back from him, but giving the vicissitudes of email, I went ahead to the appointed place.

I ordered a drink and I waited about half an hour. He never showed. So, I guess the worst case was being stood up. I mean, maybe not. If someone is a big enough ass to stand you up, perhaps the hour we might have spent together would’ve been pretty unbearable. As it was, I had a good drink, read my “New Yorker” and went home in plenty of time to cook myself a nice dinner. I would have chatted with other folks if the opportunity arose, though it didn’t. Still, VERY annoying. When I got home, there was no email from him, so we’re 100% done. Sigh. Like I said, very annoying. Not really disappointed, since it was a first meeting, but I did feel a bit discouraged. I’ve been stood up before, usually by good friends who have decided to blow me off for no good reason (at least once it was a misunderstanding), and I have to say, those times felt a lot worse. Because I actually cared about those people and their friendship meant something to me. In this case, not so much. But still.

Today is another day struggling with the computer, which they say will be fixed by Monday, and not getting enough of this editing done. I finished chapter one yesterday, but today I only made it through the first page of chapter 2. I need to work harder at this next week. Other work was done, and that was good. I am just loving this super quiet time at work, though. So many people are gone for vacation, it leads to a very mellow atmosphere. I think I need to plan for a vacation when no one else does, so I can be here when everyone else is gone.

I’ve been thinking a bit about travel recently. I have no plans to go anywhere. I keep feeling like I should. I’m trying to think of a place I want to visit. I can think of several places I’d enjoy seeing but nothing is calling to me. Funny, that. I guess I’ll just keep it in the back of my mind and when the desires comes, I’ll go with it. Or I’ll glom on to someone else’s trip, if they invite me.

Last night, I officially finished the baby knitting. I’m actually a little sad! I foresee knitting many more things for this baby after it’s born. Hopefully, that will make everyone happy, not just me.

Grateful for: future knitting.

Still here

So, I totally spaced on my commitment to blog yesterday. How funny. Thing is, I did have time, but I just don't do this from home. I do it during spare moments in the work day, of which I had many yesterday. But, I'd brought some simple knitting with me and that kept me occupied in the slow times. Today, I still have the knitting, but it's staying in my bag (in case of a knitting emergency).

Before work this morning, I went to get some blood drawn, as is my wont these days. (Don't panic, it's nothing serious, they're just monitoring--that's what those medical types like to do.) Anyway, I got there later than I'd planned, at maybe 9:15am. No one was in the waiting area. I handed in my paperwork and went straight in to the room with the special blood-drawing chairs. There is a guy who works there, I think he's the supervisor (which, actually, is kind of troubling, since the rest of the staff is female and minority--and the one white dude is in charge? Nice.). Anyway, he was my person and he's taken my blood one other time--he does it faster and more painlessly than anyone else, plus he doesn't chat, which is fine by me. Same this time, he is very good at his job. I was in and out of there in less than five minutes. Amazing. Plus, I don't even have a quarter-size bruise in the crook of my arm, which I did after the last time they took my blood.

Work is kind of funny today. We're in the midst of this very busy time but I'm experiencing a lull. I am doing some reading and editing of a report, which is killing me, and it's good I don't have other pressing work to do. The frustration level is so high with this editing job that it leaves me with little energy for other work. It's a lovely relief that the annoying supervisor is gone all week. It makes it so much more relaxing and pleasant to be here. I wish it were this calm and quiet all the time. I do miss my favorite co-worker, though, who is off for the rest of the week.

Tonight, I have plans to meet an internet guy. I don't want to call it a date (at least in the romantic sense, though it is a date in the technical sense), because I'm trying a low/no expectations approach. Sure, I always try that, but I am serious this time! For real. Yet, I was SERIOUSLY annoyed when this fella broke our plans last night with nary a sorry in sight. He did try to reschedule (for tonight) and I relented and agreed, but I'm afraid the annoyance seal has been broken and we may be doomed. Whatever, he is certainly not the love of my life, thus, I don't mind if it doesn't "work out." Nancy (work friend) thinks my plan is doomed too, but for entirely different reasons. I say, since I have no expectations, doom is moot. Worst case, I'm bored for the hour or so we spend together. Medium case, we have a good chat, but decide not to meet again. Best case, well, let's not go there--no expectations, after all. Wish me luck!

Grateful for: a quiet day.

Testing

Once more into the blogging breech! Ok, this is not serious business. This is me coming out of some kind of funk. I've decided to try a little experiement. For the next seven days, I will write for approximately 15 minutes and publish it on the blog. That's it. No heroically long posts. No super deep mediations. Just a little 15 minute writing exercise. Maybe I will be very strict about it. Maybe, if I'm enjoying the writing, I'll allow myself to go longer. Let us commence. (1:55)

When I last wrote, I was in Seattle. It turned out to be modestly productive on the work side. On the Mom side, things went better than they have for a long time. I managed to remain calm and when I noticed that Mom was frustrated with me, I didn't react. I just remained calm. That gave her room to settle down and she allowed me the same courtesy. I hate that Mom feels like she has to be on pins and needles around me and I think she felt less this way this time.

I provided my usual tech support for her and got her up and running on wifi. I honestly really enjoy doing this service. I like to help and she's very appreciative. It's win-win.

After getting home, I got a couple semi-desparate calls for tech support, which I provided to the best of my ability. I find it hard to help her on the phone without getting frustrated. Still, she understood and all is calm on the Mom-front. For now.

Work is, well, status quo for now. Semi-incompetant boss who seems downright deferential to me. My co-workers aren't so lucky, which makes things awkward. I will admit, I LIKE that I am finally (?) being seen as the most valuable person in my office. It's been true for a while, but now that we have the big work to do, I get to shine. That's it for my pride and vanity. Oh, and I'm getting new business cards. What, it's only been 11 years, what's the rush? (7:45)

I've clearly been in a funk. At least, it's clear in retrospect. In the last couple of weeks, I've initiated a few social outings and had modest success. I still need to get back in the habit of grabbing a beer on my own every once and a while. But why go spend too much on a beer that you don't really want when netflix and knitting is waiting at home?

Speaking of knitting, I finished an honest-to-god sweater while I was in Seattle and I've been wearing it. It's so amazing to me that I MADE it. I love it! Even though, really, it's a bit funky for my style. Still, why not switch things up a little? Have fun! Go crazy with yarn. I'll show you a picture eventually.

In other yarn craziness, I'm still knitting for Pele's future baby. So far: mitts, booties, bonnet, vest and soon, blanket. I'm itching to KNIT MORE for the baby, but I've promised myself to stop after the blanket unless a specific request is made.

Here's some of the baby stuff:







I will now refrain from critiquing the quality of the post and just publish it for goodness sake. Cheers! (14:31)

(After proofing and adding photos: 21:48.)

Grateful for: focus.

Seattle

I’m in Seattle and I can’t tell you how happy that makes me. I know I’m always happy to be here but I feel happier than ever. Maybe it’s because I have three nights in a hotel? It’s not because I don’t have to work. I spent an hour, 5:30am-6:30am (Seattle time!) working. I like the waking up early. I don’t mind the working though much too much of it was responding to my supervisor’s worrying. She worries things to death, asks questions that have already been answered and generally wastes my time.

Yet, I am still happy. I scored a room with an amazing view. It’s possibly not the best view ever, but it faces northwest, which means I can see a good swath of Elliot Bay, with the Olympics, and the Space Needle too, both framed by tall buildings. Last night, I had dinner with Nancy, who is also here for work. It’s great for us since we get to hang even more than usual. When we got back, it was sunset, and I just sat in my huge picture window on the 30^th floor and watched a sunset backed by some of the prettiest scenery in the world. I never do that—just sit and watch a sunset. So, stupid boss, bring on your petty annoyances, I can take it. I’m in Seattle.

Grateful for: the sun in the morning and the moon at night.

Hello friends! Your recalcitrant blogger returns. What is going on with me? Work is good. Really. No, my new boss isn’t any better than she ever was. Is she worse? No. Maybe we’re just getting used to her non-decision making, annoying as hell, dithering ways. Mostly, I limit my contact with her and that works because she is starting to respect my distance. Perhaps she understands that if I were to leave, as one of colleagues recently did, she would be screwed. Really screwed. The whole office would suffer since folks wouldn’t be able to absorb my workload. Yes, I am indispensible…at least in the short term.

Other than that, I think I need to move around more. I really, really enjoy sitting at home, knitting and watching tv/reading on the internet. This is basically my favorite thing right now. I don’t go to the movies, I don’t go drinking and I barely talk to anyone. (Ok, that last one isn’t true.) The movies—once one of my pure pleasures, isn’t working for me right now. The shows aren’t appealing and the timing is always wrong. So, I might walk around (yesterday) and think about going to a movie, then go home a watch a movie on Netflix instead. Whew, this is sad indeed.

I sometimes wonder about all this knitting. If I stay home and knit all the time, when will I actually wear the things I make? Actually, I wore a pair of socks I made yesterday. I’m getting better, because they were pretty darn comfortable. Also, half the stuff I’m obsessively knitting these days is for Pele’s future baby. It’s terrible bad luck, and I won’t give her the stuff until the baby is born, but I cannot seem to resist knitting for a baby who I will actually (probably) get to spend a fair amount of time with—I will see my baby knits in action! Baby tally so far: booties, vest, bonnet, and mitts. I also plan a blanket (a small one) and perhaps another pair of booties. And maybe a hat. What’s amazing is that I haven’t spent a cent on any of the yarn because it’s all coming from my stash. I am always prepared to make baby things!

So, a little update, to make me feel better about the blog. I think about it several times a week and wish I were more consistent. Not at all sure I have a solution for that, though.

Grateful for:an engaging hobby.

By the sea

This weekend--Saturday to Sunday--Pele and I took a short camping trip to the beach. It's been at least two years (longer?) since we last went camping. We took no pictures of each other (too bad, actually), but maybe she didn't want them given her pregnant state? At any rate, I was a very last minute packer and didn't bring my camera, only the iphone.

But I did take a few pictures--of a turtle.



On the drive to the campground, we passed several signs warning us to watch out for turtles. I told Pele I really wanted to see one of these turtles. How big were they? Were they large enough to be seen in time to stop while cruising along at 45mph?



Short answer: no. This isn't the tiniest turtle in the world but I doubt I would have seen her in time to stop.

Now, how do I know it's a female turtle? Because about half an hour after first spotting her her and watching her scoot all around our campsite and make several test digs...



I watched her lay about a dozen eggs and bury them right at this spot. I didn't have the phone by me when I caught her a-laying, but I watched the whole thing. Pele was coming back from the bathhouse and I gestured wildly to get her attention--she came over and saw the second half of the egg laying and the methodical burying process.

Yep, around the end of August, a whole passel of baby turtles will emerge (hopefully) from this spot.

Interesting. That's about the same time Pele's little egg is due to emerge. Heh.

We had a good time, despite wind on Saturday, rain on Sunday morning, cooking fussy-ness on my part and exhausted driving home on Sunday. That's just how we roll!

Grateful for: putting the van to good use.

The Visit

This week, one of my Israeli nieces came to visit. She's 20 and was traveling with a 21-year-old friend. They've been in New York for a couple of weeks and I was on their touring itinerary. They were supposed to stay two nights but only stayed one night and that was sufficiently exhausting. The tired me out in several ways. First, in advance of their visit, my niece asked me how to get to DC via Hershey Park. We'd actually been over this a month or so ago, before she got to the US. I've never been there and didn't know much beyond that it was in Pennsylvania. Some intrepid internet searching lead me to discover that if you want to go to Hershey Park and you don't have a car, you go to Harrisburg. We have family friends in Harrisburg.

So, on Friday, my day included: a phone call to our family friends making sure they could accommodate the two girls for an overnight stay. A visit to the Amtrak website to buy two train tickets from New York to Harrisburg. An internet search to determine the best way to get from Harrisburg to DC. (Answer: bus.) A visit to the Greyhound website to see if tickets needed to be purchased in advance (they didn't) and to find out the departure schedule. A call to Pele to arrange a tour of the Capitol on Tuesday (my rep never answered my email request for a tour even though I sent it in a month ago).

On Friday, I talked on the phone twice to the friends in Harrisburg and thrice to my niece. I talked to everybody again on Sunday. On Monday, the girls went to Hershey Park. On Tuesday afternoon, they arrived in DC. I picked them up at the Greyhound Station and drove them to my place. We only had a few minutes before we had to leave for our Capitol Tour. That was really fun (for me). I know they didn't "get" a lot of what we saw, but I'm sure they appreciated the pretty building. Also, the young man who gave us the tour was sweet as pie and he was a perfect gentleman.

When we got home, I tried to help my niece's friend buy a pair of shoes via the internet for her fiancé. Right, the friend is getting married two weeks after they return to Israel. Wow. So, eventually, I ended up putting the shoes on my credit card and she gave me cash. This was after half an hour on the phone with the sales rep, giving an Israel address (not for shipping, but for the charge), etc. Then her card was declined. Sigh. I should have just offered to buy them in the first place.

That night, since they'd already decided just to spend one night instead of two, I decided to take them to dinner at one of the Glatt Kosher restaurants in the Rockville/Wheaton area. We went to a Chinese place and it was very traditional-American style Chinese food. One waiter was Chinese. The other folks working there seemed to be Israeli—at least they spoke some Hebrew and they were also Orthodox. The girls thought it was "fancy," due to table cloths. They loved the very salty food. It was ok but not great. We only ordered two entrees and it was a HUGE amount of food. That was good, since they had plenty for lunch the next day.

One of the best parts of the visit was the chatting we did in the car. We talked about "dating." When we left the restaurant, my niece said, "How can you go to dinner on a date? You can't eat. You're too nervous." I laughed and she asked what was funny. I said, "People do it all the time! That's really what you do."

She said, "But how do you eat? You can't enjoy the food. And I don't want him to see me eat."

I said, "It depends on how much you like the person, but you're right, you don't focus on the food. But I don't care if he sees me eat. And he's going to have to see that anyway if you marry him."

See, because in their world a date is, almost literally, a marriage audition. In three to ten meetings they decide if they want to marry that person. I said, "But here, I could go on ten dates and still have no clue if I'd ever want to marry the guy." Now, it's not that I never think about such things. I've sometimes wondered whether I need to do a better screening job and only date guys who I know right up front I could possibly marry (or "marry"-- it's not about a wedding). I actually try to do this and it hasn't helped much. Oh well.

I told a couple of funny dating/boyfriend stories. They seemed appreciative rather than shocked. I wondered what their assumptions were about sex but I didn't ask. No judgment, please!

I also told my niece some stories about her father and his childhood. I wondered if it was appropriate. I mean, everyone knows these stories—at least in my generation. My brother told them to me, my other brother told me and I told him. I told my parents and they told me. This is the story we tell to each other about our family. I've also told countless friends and strangers. Yet, I realized, I'd never told the story to my nephew or any of my nieces. Why? Because they were too young or didn't speak much English? Because it's inappropriate to talk about their father's troubled past? No, I think it's more because I assumed they knew. After all, he told the story to me at least once. Would he not have told his children? I think he has but possibly a different version. I didn't get into it too much but it seemed pretty clear that she hadn't heard quite this version before. I hope no harm was done.

When we got home we went to sleep pretty quickly. I was exhausted from all the driving around and the walking around and the talking. In the morning, I got on the bus with them and sent them to view the White House. I went to work. They toured around on their own in the morning, hitting the Peacock Room at the Freer (on my recommendation) and the Natural History Museum. I met them at Air & Space. We saw a terrible 3D-Imax movie about the new Boeing 777. Damn thing was like an advertisement for the plane—which isn't flying yet and may never. And, what, we're going to buy one? Or select a particular flight because it's flying that plane—someday? Whatever. Too bad "To Fly" wasn't playing at a convenient time. Not that I love it but it's a good IMAX experience at least.

Then it was walk to metro to home. A little packing and I took them to the bus and they were off. They were sweet and grateful for all I'd done. They could tell I was tired. I do think they knew how much work and planning it took to help them. My niece even said, "It was so much easier to visit you! You drive us and get the tickets and we didn't have to plan anything." Damn straight. But, maybe, somehow, I could have done a little less? We will never know.

Oh, and the cat terror. That was crazy. The friend was totally terrified by the cat. So much so that after the first time she came in the house, she would wait outside until I put Tabitha (the cat) in the bathroom or the bedroom. Poor kitty had to spend the entire night in my room and wasn't too happy about it. She normally sleeps in my room, so that wasn't a problem. But being in there earlier was not to her liking and she also wanted out around 5am, her usual roaming time, so I didn't get much sleep after she woke up. Oh well. My niece wasn't crazy about the cat but wasn't so scared. I think she might have eventually worked up the nerve to pet her if it weren't for her friend.

What was going on here? Basically, the very religious folks (at least in Israel) don't keep house pets. But they do see cats—there are a lot of feral cats in Israel—that all hang around the dumpsters. Many people are a little scared of cats. But, still, this was extreme. The friend was very apologetic and I didn't make a fuss about it. I wasn't going to try and force her to get over her phobia, we both knew it was extreme, but there's no curing a phobia in 24 hours. Plus, she also clearly had an allergic reaction to the cat. Sigh.

This particular niece is a lot of fun. She's probably the most outgoing and curious one of the Israeli bunch. I like answering her questions and trying to explain my life. I like to try and understand hers too. I think I would have liked her to stay another night despite the exhaustion but it was good to see her for any amount of time. Next time I see her it will probably be at her wedding so it was good to have a chance to connect a bit before she goes on to the next phase of her life.

Grateful for: family.

Letting Go

Of all my problems…my multitude of problems…the hardest thing, the thing I cannot figure out how to do successfully is let go. I get over my anger quickly, but I can't figure out how to stop feeling angry when confronted by the same issues (example: my boss, Spesh, general bad behavior). I forgive and forget but I don't learn. Not that I've never learned anything but the hurts are so new and fresh each time you'd think that I'd know better by now. But I don't and either that makes me stupid or charming.

What I'm not letting go of these days is Kent. It's ridiculous that this is still a problem, that I even ever think of him in more than a fondly remembering way. But, there it is, I am shockingly not over him. Possibly closer, maybe further. And it's so absurd. When I think about what it is I have to do with my life, the things I want and need, they don't mesh with his life and the things he wants and needs. And even if the timing were different, even if he were more willing or loved me "enough," it still wouldn't make sense. It's almost impossible to conceive of a scenario where we have a long term future. It's not there. I know it. I know that he cared (still cares) about me and I know he's a good guy. That should be enough. I should smile wistfully and feel encouraged. If I could have a relationship that made me so very happy with a guy who I liked that much, it's a good sign. It's not all done and over and hopeless.

Yet, done, over and hopeless is exactly how I feel about relationships. I don't even know where to start these days. I have no taste for any of it. And when confronted with even the mildest flirtation, I find myself completely disengaged, quickly followed by sad. Why is this happening? I felt like I was done with Kent. I was happy to be his friend and happy to think that he felt the same. I was looking forward, moving on. Maybe this is just a temporary set back. I'm sure I'll be moving on again soon. I better be. Feeling this free-floating ex-boyfriend sadness is a colossal waste of time and emotional energy. I should really be saving my resources for something more worthwhile.

In sweater news—I signed up for a finishing workshop and took in my sweater pieces. It turned out the problem I was having—too much fabric where the sleeves met the shoulders—was an actual problem. Sure, they could be eased into the sweater, but then I would have a "puffy" sleeve. A puffy sleeve is not a good match for the sweater design. I had to re-knit the "sleeve-cap," which is maybe 1/5 of the total sleeve, so not a huge job. What was hard was figuring out the right shaping that would make the sleeve fit correctly. After two tries, I think I did it. I took all morning and a marathon of "24" season one to do it. I started to get achy and light headed after drinking only a little coffee and eating some disastrous brownies (more on that later) and a piece of toast all day. I left the house and I'm sitting at a bar, typing my heart out. I had a hard cider and snack. That plus the walk, a chat with the friendly bartender, made me feel a little better. I know I'm too isolated yet I don't want to go anywhere or talk to anyone. Hrm.

Anyway, when I get home, I'll try fitting the one corrected sleeve before I amend the other one. If I did it right, I'll be able to seam the whole thing up and have a REAL SWEATER. All indications are that it will actually fit. Now, I'll still have to put the snaps on (snaps not buttons for this sweater), so it's still not 100% finished, but getting it seamed has been such a hurdle that the tediousness of hand sewing the ribbon and snaps will be a bit anti-climactic as opposed to frustrating and befuddling. I mean, I'm not highly skilled at sewing, but it's conceptually familiar and won't be too hard to figure out.

I will post pics of that finished sweater, never fear.

Yes, I made disastrous brownies. New recipe. Baked them in the morning before the finishing workshop. Made them to bring to a cookout in the afternoon. Came home and realized after cutting into them that they were seriously undercooked. Baked them for an additional 30 minutes. They were cooked and not hard but I didn't have time to let them cool before I had to leave. When I tried to get the brownies out of the pan they turned into a crumbled ugly mess. Disaster. Brownies of pain. Not suitable for cookout gifting. Thus, I will be eating them for the next few days.

The cookout was a whole different story. I have a cousin (my mom's first cousin) who lives in this area. I hadn't heard from him in years, but he invited me over and I accepted. Not a single other plan was on the offing for this weekend. It was the smallest cook out ever, just me, my cousin, his daughter and wife and four other guests. Eight people total. Yet, two of them were single guys, which is a better ratio than any of the cookouts I went to a couple of weeks ago, though they were both about ten years younger than me.

And another example of how I demonstrate not being over Kent. Apropos of something I mentioned that I dated a guy from New Zealand and told a quick funny story about how when we first met, we understood each other well (accent-wise), but after a while, when we got more comfortable with each other, we slipped back to our regular colloquialisms and accents and would have a harder time understanding each other. My cousin then asked, "So, what happened to him?" I said that he had a plan to join the British Army and that he'd been successful in that plan. And that I had…another plan, so I was here.

Maybe I should get a better plan.

Grateful for: friendly bartenders.

Sunday Morning Post

Despite all evidence to the contrary, I haven't given up on blogging. I'm not sure why I don't write as much as I used to or why the blog doesn't have as central a place in my life. I clearly haven't needed it as much since France, but the writing was waning before then. Perhaps it's the knitting? Knitting is much more my (semi) creative outlet than blogging…or doing any kind of writing.

I had lunch with my friend the playwright the other day. He asked, are you doing any writing? He thinks I should get to work on that novel. Of course he's right. I said no and that it was hard what with the energy that I put into work these days and the knitting is kind of what I'm doing now. The knitting is so satisfying, so concrete and tangible. That's almost exactly the reason I went to demography in grad school rather than continuing in English. I needed something solid, non-subjective with an obvious structure. That's not writing. It is knitting. Maybe that makes sense.

I am so, so terrible at keeping myself to a schedule but I may try and do a minimum of one post a week on the weekend. Last time I promised to write every day it didn't really work out and this may not either, but, heck, can't hurt to try.

The last few days have been interesting. Last week, I was so bummed about work. This week, I met the office place with bemusement. I laughed away the ridiculousness, of which there was only a moderate amount. It helped that I worked at home at Monday and took an epic lunch-time excursion on Wednesday and then was out at a meeting all day Friday. Being away from the office certainly lends perspective. I have to ALWAYS take that telework day. It may way make the difference.

My Friday meeting was in Baltimore. Luckily, JenA was able to meet me afterwards. We walked around, had a beer and then ate a wonderful dinner. All Jen's treat because I managed to leave my wallet at home. Whoops. Thanks again, Jen.

Saturday, I really did nothing all day. Ok, not true. I did a minimal amount of much overdue cleaning, a lot of knitting and tv-watching, talked on the phone with Dad, talked to a visiting friend. Late in the afternoon, I got a call from friend and neighbor TR's alarm company. Their alarm was going off but I told the company not to call the police. Instead, I grabbed up the new netbook and other junk and walked over to TR's place and looked around. All was well. Then I went to the coffee shop and did about an hour's worth of work, while waiting to hear from my out of town visiting friend about our dinner plans.

I met her and other friends for dinner in U-Street. It was great to see her but I really wonder about those other friends who mostly talked to each other and, while sweet to the 4-year-old, didn't ask her mom about her life (the mom's life, that is). Luckily, I get to meet mom and daughter today, for some just the three of us time, which will be more to my liking.

I'm in yet another coffee shop, typing this up, getting ready to go to the zoo. I thought about doing some work, but decided that can wait until the afternoon. Today will be a good test of the baby computer's portability since I'll be carrying it around in my backpack. I think the backpack will be more comfortable than the messenger back, though I find it a little less convenient.

Grateful for: spending time with old friends.

Non-stop shopping

Today, I found myself shopping. This whole week or two has been a bit of a shopping spree. I suppose the desire to shop or make a monumental purchase started when I decided to sell my condo. That decision is now rescinded. After I decided not to sell (too much hassle and one good neighbor helped me stay), I thought about buying a car. An actual new car! Then that idea faded.

Finally, almost on a whim, last week I bought myself a $300 netbook and another knitting book. (I'm using the netbook right now. It's nifty and completely unnecessary.)

Today, I had some errands to run in the suburbs. I stopped at a strip mall with some small restaurants that I thought might be good eating. It was an interesting mix: Peruvian, Chinese, Indian and Persian. There was also a Persian mini-mart and a Persian bakery. I got some Persian nougat and cookies. (It sort of reminded me of Turkey, which I guess makes sense. I saw a brand of cookies in the mini mart that I remember buying in Turkey.)

I spotted a Michael's craft store. I stopped in and bought a scrapbook/ photo album and just-in-case craft stuff for the kids I read to (glitter glue sticks, mini pom-poms). I walked back to the car...but before I got out of there I saw a Best Buy. Just this morning, my relatively new coffee grinder failed yet again--it's rather temperamental. In a fit of pique, I threw it away. I bought a new coffee grinder (and gum and mosquito repellent) at Best Buy.

I was actually trying to go to Trader Joe's so I got in the van again and drove there. I entered through the back parking lot, something I've never done before, and I realized there was a huge computer (Microtec?) store there. I went to the computer store and bought a case for the netbook, a mouse, and memory stick. Then I did a mini-shop at TJ's.

Maybe this will serve as the retail therapy I so clearly need. Can I blame my horrible boss for this? She is driving me crazy and making me dread going to work. She is asking me to spend my time on tasks that NO ONE can understand the utility of. No one. Not my old boss, not my co-workers, not my friends down the hall, not my mother. What she wants me to do is so ridiculous that even a simple explanation of the task leaves the listener perplexed. The problem is that I don't say no. I mean, maybe that's the problem. Maybe saying no would be a solution. I just...I try to do what my boss asks me. I work hard and want to do a good job. I complain but I don't say no. That's why one of my work friends says I'm too nice. I'm not too nice but I might be too accommodating.

It was suggested to me that I clear this "saying no" strategy with my old boss. Not to ask his permission exactly, but to see what he thinks. How bad it is it to need approval?

I have to say, though, that this situation is bad enough that I'm worried about having a physical reaction. When I'm deeply unhappy, I get ill. It happened when I was in the third grade and my teacher tormented me. This situation feels oddly similar (though, to be fair, my new boss is not nearly as horrible as Mrs. Tarver).

The other day, after I completed the ridiculous task--my third try and it still wasn't completely to her satisfaction, though she did tell me to stop--she said, "So, do you see why I asked you to do that? Did you learn something?"

I did learn something--that the task wasn't very helpful. I said, "Well not really.  And, to be honest, it felt like a punishment."

She had an appropriately shocked look on her face and tried to explain why it was so important that I spent many hours creating a detailed budget justification/ staff loading chart for a project where the budget (on the government side) has been set for a very long time. SIGH.

I'm having a nice, relaxed, stress free weekend. Right? Right.

Grateful for: a very free weekend.

Not knitting sweaters

The current state of my sweater*:


*Actually, it's in a pile in a box where Tabitha (the cat) can't sit on it. Not seamed until I figure out why the sleeves don't match the body. Either pattern was off or I'm missing something. SIGH.

I did finish this project in the meantime. It's a pretty semi-circular shawl that I may never wear. It was fun to knit and my "take-along" project while working on the sweater.





Grateful for: time to think.

Knitting sweaters

A while ago, I wrote about wanting to knit myself a cardigan.

Well, I'm doing it. The cardigan is constructed in pieces: the back, two fronts, two sleeves and a collar (though the collar is "knit" on, it is added later). So far, I've completed knitting the fronts and the back. I've also seamed those pieces together at the shoulders. I'm about halfway done with the sleeves (I'm knitting them at the same time so halfway means that each sleeve is halfway done).

After finishing and blocking (meaning: washing and stretching to an even size) the sleeves, I'll knit the collar. The next step will be seaming the sleeves to the body and then sewing up the sleeves and the sides of the body. At that point, I'll have a cardigan without fasteners. The very last step will be attaching a ribbon and snaps. I still have a long way to go, but here are some pics of my progress:

The back, completed and blocked:



The fronts, side-by-side. The sweater is meant to be reversible, so in this pick you can see both sides.


A better view of the front so that you can see that the pattern on the back is mirrored on the front.

The "wrong" side of the back and fronts seamed together


And here's the "right" side of the pattern:


And, no, you didn't see any cat hair. The little white flecks are just a trick of the light.

Grateful for: lots of time to knit my sweater.