Sunday, September 03, 2017

My life

Well I managed one post during the week. Maybe the trick is to start small. And the obvious answer to the question of where all my blogging went is “Facebook.” I think I’ve figured this out before, but everything old is new again. This week was moderately productive at work, but more productive in my personal life of tasks. I did a lot: took my car to the dealer to fix something on a recall (the hinges on the back gate of all things); brought my book to the used bookstore (FINALLY); gave away my old TV; gave away a pet carrier for my bike (I have a better solution now);  and gave away the old red sofa. Oh—and visited my friends who just had a baby! I also ordered new covers for the heating vents—only two, just to see how I liked them, but I’ll be getting a few more, though I’m really stuck on the horns of indecision about which ones to get. The bike I fixed up a few weeks ago went back to the basement (sigh)—now only two live in the house and one is the folder. Gave the other bike out on a (hopefully) permanent loan. I’ll sell it if it comes back. I did nothing about my files. Maybe I should have a bonfire.

Today I thoroughly cleaned the kitchen floor (disgusting) and lightly cleaned the walls. I also took out lots of recycling. Moved the bench I’d had in the kitchen to where the old sofa had been in the living room. That meant moving my shoes to the closet and elsewhere. I need to get rid of some shoes but I really do wear all the pairs I have at least once a month so it’s hard to pare down. I still have to get some stuff at the drug store, order cat food, take out the garbage, clean the counters in the kitchen, and clear off the dining room table. But all those tasks are sort of “regularized.” Oh, I also made a vet appointment for the cat and a dentist appointment for myself.

Last week, I also rebooked my tickets for the trip I’m taking out to California/Seattle in September. I realized that it made sense to book a longer trip after I talked to Nancy about it. Every time I talk to Dad he asks me how I like my job, if I’ll stay at it, and what do I want to do instead. He suggests that I travel. Then he asks how old I am and realizes I’m too young to retire. We’ve had this conversation every time we’ve spoken for about a year. I asked B1 if Dad asked him about retiring and he said no. When I talked to Nancy about it she said, “he wants to spend more time with you.” Duh. So I started thinking I should go out there for a full month. I already had the September trip planned (it’s to attend the a wedding of a cousin) so I checked to see if I could extend it. I checked with the airline and for $150 (the change fee) I could rebook—and actually get a credit because my new trip would be a little less expensive (but the credit will be applied to a future trip, which is total bullshit). I checked with Mom. She understood and was fine with the change. I checked with my stepmom, Susan. She thought it was a great idea. I confirmed with my boss that it was ok for me to work remotely for that long. Then I rebooked. I’ll be out in CA from Sept 14-Oct 5 and then in Seattle until Oct. 10 (hey Amanda—I’ll be in touch!).

I know this trip will be hard. I can do it. Dad needs me. Susan needs me. I’m going to do what I can.
How do I let go of the life I always had in mind for myself that’s obviously never going to happen? How do I embrace the life I have, with all it’s imperfections and joys? That’s the other thing I’m thinking about today.

Grateful for: getting stuff done.

4 comments:

  1. Looking forward to seeing you!

    The trip sounds hard. And I identify with the questions at the end. It is a constant challenge, staying grateful and present with what is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh boy is it hard to stay present!

      Delete
  2. Watching our parents age is hard. My mother-in-law moves from an independent apartment in a senior community into the full care nursing home part next week, way past time. She has virtually no memory and is so often confused and sad, it's hard to watch. Now she'll be sharing a room with my father-in-law, which I think is going to be quite distressing for both of them actually...
    Anon11

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, that's tough. I remain sad for him--frustrated on his behalf. I miss him, though.

      Delete

Anonymous comments will be rejected. You don't have to use your real name, just A name. No URL is required; enter your name and leave the 'url' line blank. Thank you.