Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Dreaming

I had a dream last night that I was at a job interview. I was asked why I left my last job and I said it was because of my horrible supervisor.

Why am I having this dream? Because I have a job interview next week. It's at a small non-profit organization. It's a much better place for me, but it's stirring up a lot of feelings. Guilt over the prospect of leaving my current employer in the lurch. I don't like my job, not really, but they've been very good to me, given me a great opportunity, and I'm learning a lot. If I leave them now, there's no going back--the betrayal would be too big. Wouldn't it?

And then I wonder, have I really ever liked any job? I did like driving the van in college. Working at the movie theater was ok. The work itself was horrible drudgery, but the people were great and I had a lot of fun there--plus free movies. Being a TA was boring and stressful. Being an RA was pretty fun. My long government career was horribly boring for most of my tenure, but when it started to get interesting, the management disasters began. And even if the management were better, and even though the projects were very interesting, the actual work that I had to do was pretty dull.  I have no confidence that the new job would be more interesting. They should hire me of course--I have all the qualifications. The only risk is that I'm overqualified (I really am--how did that happen?). But it's more the type of job that fits with how I see myself. With the role I want to have in this world. A small, non-profit, focused on social justice issues. That's what I care about, even if the work itself turns out to be dull.  Still, I wonder, is there such a thing as a job that I would actually enjoy?

Also, yesterday, someone broke one of the passenger door windows on my car. They only thing they took was a big box full of clothing and miscellaneous items that were destined for Goodwill. Maybe I should've left the car unlocked, because now I get to pay a few hundred bucks to repair the window. Oh well. At least my current job makes the money a non-issue.

Grateful for: new opportunities.

2 comments:

  1. It is good that you appreciate what they've done for you, but ultimately if something seemed likely to be a much better fit for you...this is a business relationship. Let me know if you want to chat about this, especially after your interview. I still read every post...

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    Replies
    1. Thanks. I'm pretty frustrated with my job right now. I would love to set things on good path before I leave--if I were to leave. Who knows if I'll get an offer from the interview? I'm not doing any prep, I'll just see what happens. Now, I'm trying to do my job and not stress too much.

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