Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Well...

Well. What can I say? I had some hopes and they were not realized. Since this is rather the norm, I don't feel too bad. At least not today. I will say that Monday wasn't the best. The little history of texting went something like this--on Sunday evening, a first salvo, "hiya." No response. Some time later, it seemed like he was typing; I saw that little ellipses on the screen. So I said, "Seems like you are typing. Is something wrong?" No answer. An hour later I wrote again (I know), "I hope everything is ok. Have a good night." Then I went to sleep. It was a little hard falling asleep, but the rest of the night was calm.

In the morning, though, I felt pretty bad. I couldn't understand why I hadn't heard from him. The three unanswered messages were the only time in the last week that he hadn't responded to me. I'd only ever initiated conversations with him three times so the whole thing didn't make sense. Why, all of a sudden would he go dark? Even in our chats, he'd apologize for long silences and explain he was in a meeting or someone had stopped by to talk to him. That was unnecessary, but kind. Someone who was that considerate, you wouldn't expect to disappear altogether. Some kind of explanation would be forthcoming.

So, Monday. I texted one last time around noon. I said he didn't owe me an explanation but that I hoped he was ok. That I would like to know what happened, but regardless, I had great fun meeting him. That was it. No reply.

Since then, no text, no call, no word, no nothing.  It seems bizarre to think that something I did or said scared him off. Sure, I could've just waited to hear from him but I hardly think I was being pushy. By Sunday, I did feel anxious and worried and very unhappy. It hurt that he hadn't reached out to me and it hurt even more that he didn't even bother to respond. Even saying he couldn't talk or had changed his mind would've helped. Yes, I would've been disappointed, but the pain would've been less.

I hope he's not actually ill or injured. That possibility keeps me from sending an angry or sarcastic message--and trust me, it's tempting. It's also tempting to call, but I suppose he wouldn't answer and it's not like I"m going to leave a message.

Right now, today, I don't feel sad and I'm not in pain. But boy oh boy am I curious. If he would tell me what happened, would I want to know? Does he know? What the heck went on here?  It is a shame because it's been a long time since I had so much fun with someone and I wanted to see if we would continue to connect. I guess we won't.

I will say, I don't see how my actions are at fault here. Even though I committed the cardinal sins of not letting him text me first this one time and sending him more than one message without getting a response, I don't think that's why he stopped communicating with me. Something else happened and it had already happened before I sent him the first message on Sunday. I can't read his mind, so I don't suppose I'll ever find out what it was. What I can say is that it hurt way more than it should've for such a short acquaintance. But that's how I feel and process things and that's not wrong either.

Grateful for: quick recovery times.

2 comments:

  1. Sigh. Bummed on your behalf.
    Anon11

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sucks. Hope he's in hospital or something (not really, but you probably get my drift).

    ReplyDelete

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