Sunday, July 01, 2012

Congratulations

So when you find out the last ex-boyfriend you really liked is engaged via facebook, you do nothing about it. What is there to do? Sure, you feel a little sad, but that ship sailed long ago. And, naturally, you weren't holding out hopes for happily ever after with this guy, and you really do want him to have a good and happy life, so what is there to do but take a deep breath, curse the timing (lots of other emotionally draining things happening at the same time), and move on. Sure, you think, I really should be marrying him and if only something...if only one little move here or timing there...but it really is completely impossible and even you can't figure the scenario that would have had you end up with him...and yet, you think, that is sort of how it should've been. Because you would've sacrificed, but he couldn't accept it, and that was that.  But, hey, he's long stopped emailing you or having anything resembling regular contact, so this is why. He's moved on and it doesn't mean you're not friends, but how awkward to try and stay friends and how could you ever see each other again? How could you really be friends "in real life" ever again when you are sure that, in person, things won't have changed one bit and the old attraction will be there forever, and sure you have another ex like that and you see him way less than once a year and he's married and he has a kid and yet you still fall into those old rhythms and that's fine, that's really over, but he still matters to you in a way and he holds a certain kind of importance and connection for you...and this other, newer, guy does too and isn't that worth something?

But then not two weeks after you find out he's engaged, he emails you. And you email him, and you wait. You wait for him to tell you, because if he is your friend, if he wants to be your friend, then he must tell you. He must want to be your friend, or why else would he email you? And why else would he email you but to tell you? But now you've conducted this little email exchange for a couple of days and he's written two full emails and not a whisper.

So, when that happens, and you write again, is it ok to say, "I understand congratulations are in order?"

You hope so.

Grateful for: life's little surprises.

1 comment:

  1. Oh no, not Kent? I think that email would be wholly appropriate for the situation.

    Anon11

    ReplyDelete

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