Friday, May 13, 2011

Why?

Q: Why are you still single? A: I hate people.

Q: Why is someone like YOU on a dating site? A: Why not?

Only the second conversation actually happened. It was with the very young fella I went on a date with last night. That's right people, two dates in one week! Go me.

Except, I was frickin' miserable last night. This whole boss situation that I'd rather not be spending time thinking about came to some sort of head yesterday. I went to drop something off at her office and somehow ended up telling her that I was miserable and why (her!). She asked for examples and each time I gave her one, she discounted it. I said that it felt like she didn't trust me to do my job. She accused me of being unwilling to work collaboratively. Of course she's wrong, but at no point in our conversation did she make a single concession to my perspective. No, I was always wrong and she was always right. It's so demoralizing. No example I gave, no explanation I drew out gathered even the tiniest bit of sympathy from her. She did seem concerend when I said I was miserable, "That's no good. We should do something about that." But what we'd have to do is change her managerial approach and almost two years in, we know that won't happen.

It's sad. I really want to be here and do the work that is on my plate. The work is great, interesting, challening, novel...but it all turns to ash when I have to justify my every move and decision to a boss. I am so disinclined to be openly defiant--wait, that's not true. I am so disinclined to completely cut her out of my work flow. I actually do need a sounding board and someone to help me decide on the right moves, but it will never be her. I don't trust her judgement and, no matter how often she claims otherwise, she doesn't trust mine. Once again, I am seriously thinking of leaving and it has got me feeling blue.

So, perhaps not the best night to go on a date with someone almost 20 year my junior and kind of a dope to boot. Sigh. He meant well but I didn't find him attractive and he was just too young. I wasn't mean to him but it was not the best date ever (though not the worst!).  Was it actually better than staying in and brooding? Possibly.

Grateful for: opportunities

3 comments:

  1. Can you move to a part of the organization with similar work, but a different manager? I did this about three years ago, and the results were like night and day. It surprised me how such a small move could have such a big effect on my well being.

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  2. jcd: excellent suggestion. I did suggest to a higher-up that I keep my current workload but move to a neighbor division. The idea went nowhere. Moving to a wholly different office won't work b'c the only reason to stay is to keep my current portfolio. If I have to give that up, then I'll just get out altogether. SIGH.

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  3. Sorry man, that sucks! But woot to the two dates!

    Anon11

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