Friday, May 20, 2011

Mostly Better

The good news: my issues with my friend are resolved. I forget sometimes how wildly different our approach to life is. He's the careful diplomat. I'm the direct negotiater. He avoids conflict at any and all costs. I'm not averse conflict if I think that's how to solve a problem. Anyway, he understood why I was upset and he apologized. (I'd already apologized for the parts that were my fault.) I think we are fine. We are still friends and that's all that matters.

The bad news verges on the absurd. I cannot remember what I've written about this particular ex-bf, but I have one who used to work here. We broke up. About a year later, he got a job elsewhere. More than eight years go by, during which we have zero direct contact. A mutual friend used to very occasionally tell me things about him--that he was living with his gf in her building, that he got married, that he had a kid. Then, a couple of years ago, he comes back to work here. We bump into each other and have lunch. He asks me to coffee. We have coffee. He asks me to coffee again. And again. We have coffee and he says, "I have something I want to tell you...I think it would've been better if we'd never dated, if we'd just been friends. I'm so happy to be friends with you again..." and blah, blah, blah. After he said that, I didn't want to be friends again. I'd never wanted to be friends again in the first place. All I could think was, "Where have you been for the last eight years?" and "This is just to make you feel better about bumping into me in the building" and "even when we were dating, we weren't really 'friends'".  I didn't say any of that, but when he asked me to coffee AGAIN, I told him no. I explained that I didn't care for what he said, it made me feel bad, and I could do with no more coffees. And that was that. Sure, I've bumped into him here and there, and we're actually quite friendly, but that's plenty of friendliness for me.

And then, yesterday, he moved into an office across the hall. I saw him with a big rolling cart and when I found out he was moving in, I said, "Good lord!" and threw up my hands. As I walked away, I said, "No offense."  Luckily, he should only be around here until September, but I am not pleased.

The other bad news is that my date last night turned out to be a bigot. I am fine with dating conservatives, Republicans, miltary guys, vegetarians, WHATEVER--but I don't date bigots.  I knew it was over when, after discussing living in/visiting Europe, he said, "Everyone over there speaks English, but I can go up to my old neighborhood, Mt. Pleasant [note: it's actually my old neighborhood too!] and there's people who've been here twenty years and still don't speak English."

I kind of wish I'd been a bit more confrontational, but instead I said it was hard to learn English, especially as an adult. He disagreed, contending that it wasn't really that hard to learn languages.  Then I said that Hungarian was supposed to be the most difficult language for English speakers to learn. He had no idea! Sigh.

He wasn't rude or anything, and if he hadn't shown his true colors, I might've even considered a second date. As it stands, I'm glad I won't be wasting my time.

I am fully confident that things can get worse--that more ridiculous, discouraging and demoralizing things may be rapidly heading my way--I just sincerely hope I get a little breathing room until the next one rolls along.

Grateful for: the truth.

1 comment:

  1. Sorry, I'm reading from May 13 (the last time I had a chance to get caught up) and commenting in order, but I knew the Brit accent American was going to be a loser for one reason or another. Sounds like a tool.

    Unbelievable about the ex moving across the hall! Just a few months, maybe it won't be too bad?

    Anon11

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