Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Refresh

How long has it been since I wrote about the blog? Probably not long enough...but here goes anyway. The other day, I had further discussions with Curt about his discomfort with the blog. What he doesn't like is being public with personal information. I completely understand that he would not choose to share the things I share on the blog. I'm fairly certain that I'm not sharing anything about him that he would mind the whole world knowing--none of this stuff is secret. Not to mention that I think he's unidentifiable since I've barely described him (nor will I, though it would be fun).

Those of you who will meet him eventually will either already know this stuff or figure it out soon enough. Those of you who will never meet him don't know him anyway but if you did, it wouldn't matter--what I've shared about him isn't terribly personal or private. But, what I share about myself often is or can be. That's why I told him that it would be best if he read the blog a few weeks from now. I haven't written anything that would be news to him but some of my reflecting may make him a tad uncomfortable.

I have to say, my whole approach to the blog is so completely different than when I started writing. In the beginning, I was very much trying to beef up my descriptive skills and I love, love, love to write dialog. I also adore the way stories unfold on blogs--the serialization of life. I really enjoyed writing those stories. Now, I just don't have it in me. I feel too private, too possessive of my story to share the details with the world. I do share it with a lot of friends, many more than Curt probably ever will, and he can be uncomfortable about that too, but it's completely legit (and he doesn't actually mind). I am a storyteller and I will tell our story to my friends. I don't think I'll ever open myself up to the blog commenter assault that greeted some of my past relationship stories. It wasn't terrible that it happened, in fact, that process probably helped me get to where I am now (though I could have lived without the more hurtful comments). I am now in a place where where I don't engage in doomed relationships. The process of writing about those relationships in a semi-public way made me accountable in a way I never was before. The perspective I gained was tremendous. I am on the other side of it now and much the better for the experience, but that experience is over and I have to move along to something else.

The question is: what is that something else? I can't imagine giving up the blog, it's almost second nature to me. Maybe I need some new kind of challenge, though. I'm not sure. I have to give this some thought.

Grateful for: learning.

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